sigh. this life of mine is really like a roller coaster. it goes up, and down, and up, and down. and the thing is that u'd never know when the next turn is.

i'm worrying about you. yes YOU. just as i pull away, i am made to draw back by something. then i worry, and suddenly, i get some "comfort" that you know what you're doing and am not doing something silly or on the impulse, then some how, thoughts pull me down again, making me worry all over again.

i'm sick n tired of these kind of games. i really am. i just wish that my life wld b more stable. less worries etc. i long to use you as a role model, but fear doing so. i push you on at the expense of myself, and i get more confused. this has to stop.. i have to learn how to lift this into God's hands and let him do the work. there is only so much that i can do. but there is so much that i want to do. i really don't know what to think or what to let my brain think. i am worried, i am not thinking, and this is bad. sigh.. mayb one day soon, i'll clear it wif u.. i have to. in order to put things down. i want and need to put things down and get on wif this life of mine. but. i'm very sure that i will still be worrying about this... oh well.. why is life so confusing, complicating, misleading etc.. oh well.. Lord, guide me.