i juz read a blog of afew secondary school fren. n i realise wad i lack. rather, instead of saying me, waht made them so strong and sure of whatever they did. besides their faith in the Lord and all, they had a group of friends who had the same strong faith who could build each other up and who they could share ANYTHING with the other. how i wish, how i wish.

dear Lord, i pray that you'll help me to find my own support group here in australia. its so difficult to start over again and all, but i juz pray that you will lift me above all these and help me soar above all problems on eagles wings, and see your plan for me, and grow in you.

school has been ok. heh i'm so happy. did math today like crazy. finised all of wad mr enright wanted use to do all e way to thursday like in school today *left abt 2 qn tat i did at home* eh. he returning papers tmr. getting worried. he said we did badly. n i made so many silly mistakes. sigh..

hmm.. work n more work piling up. today juz got another 3 assignments. 2 english 1 physics. so officially now i haf 2 bio assignments, 3 english assignments n 1 physics assignments. that is like including projects. sigh. n dey r all due soon! so euncie muz start working hard.

its hols now back in singapore. i'm gonna miss the youth camp dis yr. sth i nv missed ever since i stepped into ym. anyway. parents n elaine r coming down in abt 2/3 weeks time. heh. n dats e time most of my projects r due. dunno how i'm gonna juggle it, but i will survive!!! heh.. n i need my formal clothing over here. firstly, for church. i can't really stand wearing those tshirts to church. not those i wear to sch. n e only nicer ones i haf here r e purple range n its only 3 n dey look more or less the same. sigh. n secondly, its for my presentation. hilda wants us all in formal attire. yup. so i guess tat shld b formal enough. she mentioned it'll b best to be in 3 piece suit, but nah lar. dun think i'll go to that extent. think wad i'm gonna wear may b e most formal one ard oso..

anyway. i think i'm falling sick. sigh. duno wads wrong wif me. bleah. been having flu e whole day. hope it'll clear soon. i dun haf any medincine here. bleah.

hmm.. u noe wads e most dangerous things about going overseas? its having those goodbye letters juz an arms length away. mayb i shld go lock dem up or sth. heh. but those by email. hmm. no way am i going to delete dem. too precious. heh. sigh..

i'm so glad people are filing up my space in that wad i did, ppl r starting to take my place. be it at for formal stuff or even personal stuff. hmm.. i guess its all for the better? but its still kinda sad that nearly 17 yrs of friendships n all wld b lost. not literally, but once u leave the place, it is inevitable that one side would tend to look for another side to "attach" to. sigh. ok i shld have been prepared for this. heh thats why i said all my letters muz b kept away. mayb i'll print out those in emails. den delete dem or store dem in some place where i wont bother to go and see. not in my mail box. too high a chance i'll open it. heh. especially if i'm sitting at home attempting to do my work which is stressing me out.

i miss you. seriously. dun ask me why. mayb its cause u r e one tat i barely haf time to talk to now adays. the rest r not tat bad. oh well.. sigh. i miss all of you. i'm so thankful ur used to this language. *cause marcus(teo) obviously isn't* heh. but yes. yes. i miss all these good christian brothers n sisters. not that there aren't any here, but its juz not e same. even if it comes close to be the same, dey r juz not christians. n i guess dey juz wont understand.

i so cannot stand people who are like bad at organising, and keep on organising things, den things become a mess *ok i'm exagerrating. heh.* oh well.. i guess i'm juz irritated cause i cant stand last minute things. especially planning. or changes. i find it very irresponsible. oh well.. tats juz me. sigh. its juz eunice i gues.. sort of perfectionnist in certain things. rather, want to be a perfectionist n all.. sigh.. tats why its very difficult to work wif me. i demand ALOT. sigh. okok. i miss singapore! heh.. miss all e pple i work wif. sigh. *feels that she belongs to neither world* oh well..

happy happy. heh ivon is coming to church tmr. cause its more convenient for her to go to steph's hse to study. heh. good excuse *nono chance* to get her to church huh. heh. but ya. so happy. n aunty ervinna was so sweet. she helped me hang my clothes. was thinking of airing my clothes in my room. den tmr den hang or sth. but she help me hang. heh. n now dey r more or less dry! heh *happy* oh well..

tmr wld b a BIG day. ym is changing time. Lord, i pray for smooth flowing of events and cooperation of the whole leadership. heh. i love all of dem so much man. n of course love ym n e ppl. heh. prob wld call back tmr! heh. yay! juz hope i haf enough credit to survive man. heh. wanna talk to my *former* small group members. hehe.. miss dem man.. oh well..

hmm n i'm stuck to this song.

Undignified

I will dance i will sing
to be glad for my king
nothing lord is hindering
the passion in my soul

I'll become, even more undignified than this
some would say its foolishness but
i'll become even more undignified than this
leave my pride by my side

la la la la la la hey
its all for you Lord

woohoo.. my second post in a day. heh. juz had to blog cause sth happened.. anw shall leave tat for later. eh. was doing QT today *after i entered the first post* and it said "in the moments when feelings are being stirred, try to remember that security comes from knowing who God is, not how u feel" and it was juz great. really. it was like wow. talk about feelings being stirred [talk about last night] talk about security [talk about how i was feeling e whole of the day] talk about knowing God [talk about my QT wif him] heh. basically it was good. QT these days r alwasy so good. always relate in some way or other. n QT is like so impt now. last rd during vision sharing *i think* or some other sharing, jon shared abt QT here. heh. agree to it man. anyway. now for me, QT is so impt. heh. thank you Lord.

ok anyway. another reason why i'm so happy is cause i talked to someone from singapore!!! heh. ok not i call, but he called. not my dad or mum or elaine*those i talk to dem like abt once a week* heh. kangwei called!! hehe.. i miss long phone calls.. so tat was good. can't wait for pple to b more free. den talk on skype oso. heh.. n can't wait for huibing to come over in less than 2 weeks. den i'll b one e phone for like hrs each day talking to her. *miss everyone* den again, as i told kw. i dun feel like gg back now. go back oso nth to do. i'd rather stay here n work. heh. okok tats not e point now.. oh yes. den we were talking about my chinese sounding english now, and kw said "china-man" goodness.. i was like "isn't tat frm a comedy" or sth like tat. haha den tat sparked off e talk about russell peters for like nearly half e convo.. heh. hes super funny lar. all muz go watch man. n kw say he wana screen it during camp. heh. how cool.. *but u better not show e vulgar language part ar kw..hehe.. ok eunice is much happier now. but looking at the time, i haf no time to study for math or to do bio. *sobz* heh but i'm surely much happier now.. aft a good laugh at russell peter's jokes n all.. heh..

bad day bad day. today was a bad day.. for e whole of today, i cldn't study. was stoning half e time. had my ipod playing whenever i din haf class. it was bad overall. din like it one bit. i guess e only fun thing was during math. heh. shawn reminded marcus n myself abt e game tat u play using a pencil,shooting, seeing how far your line goes n all. sounds familiar? it was like a game i played in primary 5. heh. but anyway. we went on frm drawing maps *of our houses in singapore* to playing that game. heh. was super silly. but a rather good thing to relieve me of other thoughts. yup. eh.. den dere were some baseless teasings which were nonsensical, but it ended wif me laughing n steph panicking *that i'll go after her* and ivon running off to dunno who. heh.. wasn't listening during all my lessons which was really bad. but i really no mood.. hmm.. dis sat may b gg to state library. depends if its open. shall go check later. heh.. umet form tmr. muz remember. heh.. n got math test tmr. off to revise.

rAtTy dAy!!!

heh.. yes. today was wad my bio teacher called the ratty day. heh. disection of rats. hmm.. never done it b4. mayb in pri6 my tution teacher did show us, but not hands on. hmm. .was rather slow at e beginning. very bad communication btw someone who speaks english n another who speaks spanish. but i guess we survived. heh. it stinked man. heh. but overall wasnt too bad. generally enjoyed myself. heh. yup yup. the guys were like calling us murderes on our way to Garden City. heh. not my fault... blame it on marcus n ivon. hrmph.. heh.. even e lady at the counter at coles said tat e boys were all bullying me. hehe.. how nice of her rite. *winks*

over all today wasnt too bad. morning was very rush, but once physics was over, it became more relaxing.. heh.. but i still haf math test dis week, and eng prog report, bio assignment, bio research project due very soon. hrmph. heh. okok shall stop using tat word if not later bert kill me. heh.. i'm off for my break!!!

crap. i'm panicking now. i'm very scared. seriously scared. i feel like talking to someone. but dere is no one. i know dere is God. he is e only one who wld stand by me no matter what. Lord please give me the strength. anyway. i guess its oso a good time to see who i can frm perth talk to back in singapore. heh.. quite good in someway lar. hehe *slightly more light hearted*

stress stress.. this week's stress is starting to sink in. tmr haf physics test *out of which i haf forgotten alot of my secondary sch work*.. i had dropped e vectors topic. sigh. n now i'm being tested on it. i mean some i cna do some i cant lar. sigh. n i juz saw a typical o level qn.. bleah. cant do. k cause i dun haf e ans so i dunno if i'm right or not. bleah. den i haf english assessment tmr too.. n e topics r like.. bad. its weird. got no evidence. n dey din even give us articles for marijuana which i am doing. sigh. how how how. bleah. okok i shall go continue my search.. bleah. gotta go mug for physics too. looks like my though of having an early night is not possible.. hmm juz borrowed my hsemate's working. tats prob gonna b my last minute revision *besides my tb* looking at the rate this screwed up essay is going..

hmm.. when eunice is in a weird mood, she should be left alone. heh. ok tat was nonsensical. today was bad. i was basically brain dead for the whole of math. *dun ask me why* juz cldnt think properly. *marcus can testify to that* oh well.. the rest of the day was not too bad. loads of work coming. i need to destress. n dere is nth tat is available here. heh. i miss my keyboard *though i suck at it* ya. n for once, i miss e pool n gym at GH. heh. weird but true.

anyway. went on a shopping spree today. *ok tat was only half true* heh.. physics test coming soon. n mr kuran juz had to tell us that the tb practices itself is not enough. great. n mr rowlands never gave us extra practices. good thing mr kuran gave us a little.. hmm.. dunno how we gg to survive wif mr rowlands not giving xtra practice. mr kuran made it sound like the tb was NOT good and all. oh well..okok.. off to do e worksheets..

tmr dere is mentor grp again. heh.. which means we haf a grp lunch again. heh *happy* rarely do we get grp lunches. its either eat in math class, or eat wif shawn marcus n laura aft math. *which means lesser time to do work, so i usually take e first choice* oh well.. heh. kzkz really shld go do my work. den mayb give myself a break later. heh..

hmm went to church today.. heh.. i love going to church. any church, anywhere, as long as its not a cult can liao. heh. i love sundays. hehe.. churched talked abt giving today. everyone that i've seen shared since i came were juz so great. heh den it reminded me about one of e LCEC members sharing about giving for church buildin fund back hme. heh. wah. vast diff man.. the first big diff is e age. heh.. anyway. yes yes it was very good. speaker n all.. ie. eunice is happy today. heh. sort of starting discipleship dis week. wif amanda n steph wong. heh. 2 very nice ppl. hehe.. still considering other stuff. The Lord will lead and guide my actions. He Will!

did abit of bio, and physics today. physics test on tuesday. hmmm.. shld i ask mum n dad to bring over tys for me? e tb practices r so little. ok yes yes even though i dunno how to do some, but now i noe how to do all *thanks for your help in physics.. heh feel so bad cause always ask u questions.. heh..* but there are no more practices. cause e tb is so limited.. hmm.. oh well. will see how. cause thigns like math dun need xtra. the sch themself printed so many xtras. heh.

juz realise i'm beginning to run low on my encouragement cards.. i need dem for e mid yrs period *ok tats only a little for those who actually haf mid yrs* and oso for e rest of my intake.. hmm.. dis is e prob when i din go get more b4 i came here. hrmph.. ELAINE.. wld u b nice enough to get some for me??? heh.. tat poor gal has been made to bring so many things for me, or to run so many mini "erands" for me. heh wad to do. i cant do dem myself. if not i wld. hehe..

i wanna watch star wars n kingdom of heaven. hehe.. but we all stay like so far away frm each other. oh well.. we'll see how. dis week confirm cannot. cause so many test n assignments.. mayb nxt week.. heh.. okok.. i shall pop into bed now. juz finished my birthday cards to send out. left 2 more letters tat i can finish in sch, den can post it off! heh.. kz nitez!!!

hmm.. had lunch juz now.. heh. nice. ok tat was sort of to celebrate steph's birthday..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH!!!
heh.. yup yup.. was suppose to b wif ivon n steph, den steph asked yanjing *my cell leader* along.. yup.. went to e jap place where i went wif my mum n dad e day i did my bank account. heh.. den went to haf bubble tea at winthrop village. it seems like a crazy here.. heh.. den was suppose to study.. but in e end folded stars for steph. n did A LITTLE math. heh tats all.. ok lar not tat bad. did physics as well.. n a little eng research .den realise i left my eng compre book in sch. n i was suppose to finish it over e week end. argh! how smart of me rite. heh. oh well.. hilda shld b ok wif it lar *i hope*

i cried. i juz cried. suddenly, it meant alot to me. it just meant so much. thanks for that. really. sigh. anyway. u prob wont even know if i'm refering to you. oh well.. thanks anyway.

i smiled alot today. rather this evening. so happy.. ok.. tat was kind of ironic. cause i juz said i cried. but ya. aft tat. i'm really really happy. happy for u. really. its been a long time since i've been worrying over how you are and how you've been doing. it didn't seem too good. but all the same, i'm so glad all is well.. really.. i've talked to so many ppl today. n when i see that ur all well n good, i really smiled. anyone who walked into my room wld haf thought i was kind of psycho. i suddenly just feel so relieved. really. i must thank God for keeping everyone safe n sound n alright n good and everything!

i wonder abt it all e time, but e only conclusion i can get from God is that it will happen in HIS timing and according to HIS plans. all i can do is PRAY. and for now, concentrate on my studies n get into the course that God directs me to. yes. let us all commit it to the Lord. He will bring us to it, through it all. Pray. my mum keeps reminding me to PRAY.

hmm. i hafta go hostel nxt yr.. bleah. hostel or homestay. cause parents need another yr to decide to buy hse not. bleah. sigh.. okok.. we shall see how. or mayb rent a hse wif ppl who are old enough heh. old enough to not have a homestay. cause i think nearly all of e april intake either have to stay hme stay, or already am sharing hse.. heh.. oh well.. as for feb.. heh. shant comment first. hehe. *makes me sound sneaky. .but i'm not!*

i wanna be a WORLD CLASS CHRISTIAN! *i hope i got it right that it is world class n not worldly.*

crap.. wads wrong wif me? firstly, i forgot to tell my hmestay parents i'd b out for lunch. den in e end hafta call dem.. den i din check when dey'll b out n when dey'll b back. cause its not raining now, which means my clothes shld b washed! but its not. sigh. which means i hafta wash dem on a week day. hrmph. if not den overnite. den hang in my room again? sigh. raining days r like tat. bleah. n dey forecast tat it'll rain till like monday den tuesday sun den wednesday showers AGAIN. hmmm.. i desperately need mum to bring over more clothes!! sigh. *wishes i had been more clever*

heh juz heard one of nic's favourite old jokes "no eye dear" that became not funny after his repetition of it over n over again. but i guess its good to hear it again.. seriously reminded me of him oh well.. speaking of tat, i havent spoken to him for quite a long time. shall go write letters man.. heh.. *wonders who else i've missed out* heh.. sorrie ar .. i my memory is bad..

anyway. yesterday's cell was like quite ok. all the sharing reminded me of wad marcus n shawn "shot" me abt in e morning.. shall attempt to see thing from their point of view n den share e gospel wif dem, but its gonna b hard cause i dun even like understand thing from their position. tried but not working. hrmph. pray pray pray. yes tats e only solution! hmm..wanted to ask steph like u noe to help. cuase she oso april intake, but those ppl dun talk to her. hmm.. sigh. will see how lar. mayb mayb someone wld come along who dese guys r ok wif n settle everything. mayb dey wld phrase it nicer to ther person n it wont b the same case as me. sigh so many maybes. heh.. kzkz.. needa go off now ot do some studying.. 2 hrs b4 i leave e hse. hmm.. study physics!!! hehe..

hmm.. i dunno wad wrong wif me.. sigh.. okok. actually, nothing. eunice is juz being her usual self, worrying over every little thing. trust me, if anyone was to hear abt wad i worry abt, i think u all wld send me to a psychologist straight away. serious. oh well..

hmm.. why why why.. why isnt like marcus or shawn or stephanie or rachel or ivon or yeewei take physics?!? den it'll save me trouble of worrying. sigh.. ok not only physics. any other subs tat i take. now dey only take like eng n math e same as me. sigh. n chem for marcus. den e rest of e time i'm prob down there worrying over work.. no its not tat no one is dere to help me.. ppl haf offered.. i juz feel very bad hafta disturb dem. i can spend like e whole evening decideding to "distuub" the person over work or not. not nice at all for me. sigh.. mayb juz mayb if i'm desperate den i'll actually get down to making a decision.. as for now.. i'm juz worrying all e way.. hmm i think even stephanie knows how much i worry. she hears a whole load frm me.. *poor gal* heh. sorrie ar.. ya. like in sch ar i got anything always complain to her or list out all my worries.. i've got tonnes of dem.. dunno wads wrong. as in wif me. argh.. i juz feel very bad as long as someone is to my term troubled by me. hrmph.. i cant stand it. cause i juz go ard worrying everyday.. irritating.

anyway.. sch has been good.. besides those questions tat i've been worrying abt not being able to do *stated in e above para*, sch has been great. its so fast, n its like end of e week arleady. tmr last day. hmm.. dere are 3 tests for me nxt week. english, physics, math.. n dunno some bio thing due on friday. no idea wad it is.. prob figure it out or *ask abt if i even make up my mind if i'm disturbing or not* by nxt week lar.. lessons has been ok.. least i'm surviving ya? heh.. but ya. i realise tat one good way of surviving in Mr Chacko Kuran *ok not sure how to spell his name*'s class is to act blur like ivon.. be crappy n get on wif e lesson.. tats e only way to like get him to joke along n all.. especially now that he is my physics xtra tutor as well. oh man.. facing him for another subject.. like whatever lar.. sigh.. ok lar. he is nto tat bad. juz rather boring. heh..

anyway. during math today.. goodnes.. e most terrible thing happened. winnie went to the toilet or locker or somewhere.. den when she came back, she said e guys were at the hall talking on the phone. she told e teacher tat. n later we found out it wasn't true. den e boys got into deep trouble wif e teacher. n dey were NOT at the hall, NEITHER were they on the phone. goodness.. tat girl got dem into deep trouble man.. i was so so so.. shocked at wad she said. we were like trying to tell her to keep quiet. din work. she didnt get us.oh well.. tats winnie for u man..

hmm.. muz thank marcus (khoo) for the web for stat counter. heh.. not tat i din noe abt it. but i forgot. heh. but now its rather amusing to see who comes n goes frm e website. n how many times i actually click on my own website in a day.. ah.. heh.. den u realise tat tonnes of ppl come in n out but dun tag, so u dunno their presense. heh.. hmmm.. anyway. if u all come by, n actually read my blog, pls tag or sth. so i noe who is here n who is not. heh.. *gives me a rough gauge lar* hehe..

okok.. i needa go off now. i haf been slacking for e past 2 days. did minimal work. only revised physics *a little* in school. needa go memorise the bridges soon. saw some of those qn regarding dem in e tb.. n i'm still stuck at 3 qns. did dem like twice. still getting wrong ans. irritating sia.. tmr chem prac!!! yay!!! heh . i love chem prac.. e only prob is i'm wif a grp tat.. hmm okok no comments.. haha.. all i noe is marcus do e talking n washing, i do e rest.. i miss QA... today was preparing iron sulphate. den marcus n christine talked abt testing for hydrogen gas.. heh.. reminded me abt my chem prac days in scgs.. goodness.. how nice were our labs.. i love our lab technicians!!! heh.. u all r e best man.. always preparing everything for us. heh.. making sure everything was right. miss sc!!! speaking of tat.. i miss Red Cross like nuts... especially my juniors. and SCRCY.. hear so much probs n all.. sigh. wish i was dere to solve dem.. i cant b dere for POC. so sad. oh well.. n ULC POC 03! heh.. miss u guys too! ok cheryl i dun miss u cause i see u everyday*almost* but ya.. miss e com on a whole.. sighsigh. ok i was suppose to go off!! heh..

oh yes. thanx shaun for the pictures of PMC upgrading project.. hope everything is going on fine. remember to go for the interim shift ar. though i noe e nxt dayis your o levels. heh.. all e rest of e sec 4s.. jia you!!! chinese o levels only! heh u all can do it!

hmm.. i slacked e whole of today can. sigh. feel so bad. din do work. so tired.. i needa go study! e only thing i did today was to buy presents n cards. heh.. other than tat, i din do much today lar. sigh. i needa go grocery shopping AGAIN.. always forgetting to buy things. mayb tmr i'll drop by Action. hmm i need more vege n fruits. i'm not getting enough i realise. hmm..

hmm.. these few days haf been quite fruitful in terms of like studying... QT oso.. i sat down, without any distractions, the place was SO quiet, something which you would never get in singapore. heh.. but ya it was good.. 2 things struck me today. first was Eph 6:7. a timely reminder to serve Him wholeheartedly.. and 2nd is a verse that i've gone thru so many times just this year alone. first during sgl training, den when i do my own prep, den while leading small gorup, den during cell someone mentioned, now its in my QT material.. hmm.. Phil 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in himility consider others better than yourselves." another timely reminder.. hmm.. since i'm struggling wif related things. oh well.. God is great.. tats how mighty and faithful He is..

hmm.. read(past tense) jess's blog, and den borrowed jon's purpose driven life book *since e cells r doing tat now* hmm.. scanned thru the 2nd purpose, and was struck by these notes.. firstly is pg 154-158.. on healing relationships.. how important it is for such things to be done especially within a church and moreover the leadership.. hmmm.. really surprise tat i actually read it.. divine appointments *not really appointments but cant think of another replacement word* yup yup.. n chpt 21 really struck me..

(1) focus on the common things, not on each others' differences.. how often have we been saying that we are different in this n that, but lose focus that we are serving the same God, we are one body of Christ, and what we do are for the same purpose? (2) be realistic.. ok i cant remember dis one now *i din write it down juz did speed reading* (3) choose to encourage, not criticise *how do we tell the difference? it is all up to each person to interprete, but we must keep in mind that all our fellow bro n sis in christ all haf e aim of encouraging us, even if it sounds like criticism. think positive! (4) refuse to listen to gossips.. ok gossips are basically bad. tats was quite straight forward (5) practice God's method for conflict resolution.. i thin kdis one is like e pg 154-158 tat i quoted juz now in e above para.. same thing.. most importantly, is to haf harmony! (6) support pastor and leaders.. there is a reason for God to put the leaders there.. and the only thing we can do, is to follow their instructions, give the the due respect, and haf faith in God that they are making the right decisions. understnading their perspective oso.. hmm.. oh well.. suddenly, one by one, things started to hit me in the face.. like u noe.. so many times we lose focus. hmm.. n its all summarised nicely here.. oh well. mayb one day e whole ym shld do the purpose driven life. e 40 days thing.. its very good.. *pardon me, for i may sound like i'm comparing auzzie n s'pore but i'm not* it seems like the "IN" thing here now in most churches, but i guess its really good. the dvd tat they haf on it oso very good.. e sml grp study guides i think.. ya. haf been very enriching for me. esp if u do in a grp.. if u do alone, like last rd, i "droped out" half way. heh..

hmm.. life is getting very stressed man. heh.. today my first lesson was a gonner for me..after the first lesson, i was already so stressed up.. lets see.. eng project *topic chosen by tmr*, comprehension, analytical essayS, progress report for project. sigh.. tat only for english. sigh.. den aft tat all e work load started coming. so did test.. heh.. which means i haf a rather long list of test..

hmm.. its weird. i step in, and sth juz zips my mouth. i wont talk. unless something forces it open. i live in a world of my own. what happens inside does not concern outside. what happens outside, the inside is affected. oh well.. can't wait for huibing to come over to aust. den can talk to her everynite.. *ok but muz study oso*

i feel so happy.. received shane's letter.. heh.. gonna send out the letter n some b-day cards juz in time for e birthdays.. shane ar. u better remember to help me give out. if not i wont send to u anymore. hehe.. n had a chat wif jodie juz now.. miss red cross.. argh. but den again, hq is rather screwed up.. heh.. someone save hq.. cedric!!! heh.. go do sth! haha okok tat was abit crazy.. sigh.. i need my sleep.. tired. if not tmr cant wake up in time to bathe.. bleah.. nitez nitez..

there is seriously sth wrong wif eunice *that is me* i feel so not myself now. sigh. dunno wads wrong... mayb eunice juz doesnt know how to express herself *ya rite..* oh well.. wad can i do.. nth.. n juz now. i shampooed my hair like twice. dunno wads gg thru my mind man...

my essay is still not done. dunno wads wrong. why is it taking like ages to be done. i dun like analytical essays. not nice. hrmph. oh well.. wad can i do man.. *sigh*

sth is seriously wrong. i dunno wad. all i know is that i can trust in the Lord to pull me through. oh well.. i needa go shopping mayb like tuesday or sth.. *juz to buy some groceries n washing powder* meanwhile, aunt's dried food tat she gave me will do.. heh.

*sorrie rach for e screwed up quiz results.. u can see here why its so disgustingly done rite. heh sorrie gal..*

e new hme stay is ok.. dey're a rather nice family.. i guess its juz my adjustment period.. sigh.. rather lost here though. cause dey dun tell u wad to do n wad not to do.. i need someone to lay down the house rules. not taylor's college homestay rules.. sigh.. i can bet u tat half e time today i was panicking in my room tat i'll end up doing e wrong thing n not get along wif dem wadsoever. sigh.. n its rather irritating.. oh well.. but i guess overall its ok.. i needa go get a table lamp soon.. its getting rather dark in here.. but least my overall feeling is slightly better than tat at e other place. dis doesnt make sense, but ya. it was like at GAP camp, when i juz felt uncomfortable in the hall.. ya.. at e old hme stay oso.. least dis one is slightly better. but overall i've yet to see.. sigh. okok off now.. *dey juz brought a lamp in. said dey got extra.. nice?*

hmmm.. juz moved into e hse n decided to test out e internet.. oh well.. its ok here. but i keep doubting my own decisions. i never trust my own decisions. cause i juz dun. it never seems right. oh well.. i guess i'll adapt. i have to anyway...

oh yes. uncle gark bin asked me a very good question juz now when e sent me here. "got your passport?" heh.. n i realise i dun even noe wehre it is.. oh well.. muz go hunt for it. okok hope dere is nth to panick abt.. oh well.. its a saturday n i'm stoning in my new hme stay. packing is like so-so.. need more hangers which i shall go n buy nxt week. oh well.. i havent heard any of their restrictions or had any "talk" yet. hmm... still waiting.. if not i dunno my boundaries ar.. den die. heh.. okok.. gg to continue my packing now..

deres sth weird wif explorer n blogger. i'm facing a screen of chinese words now. dunno wads wrong.. but firefox is ok. thank goodness...

shifting today. hope everything goes alright. i'm worrying over small little things AGAIN so juz ignore dis. i'm juz rattling. oh well.. dunno wad to expect frm e new hme stay. as in like really really dunno.. i'm rather lost actually *since when was i not?* oh well...

went for cell last nite.. was quite good. "MINISTRY" hmmm... sth tat i nv thought of much since i came to perth. "i'm too new" my own excuse. oh well.. ok tat for church only lar. for sch n all tats a different thing.. den i remembered kw.. was he restricted by how new he is n all? NO! ok.. i'll try to follow him. but i think it wont b possible. sigh. some how or other, i shared abit abt e 3 buggers.. heh. okok tat "name" shld tell u who dey are.. heh.. hmmm.. hope all of dem r surviving alright now..and all the problems r solved. oh well..

i havent finished packing! heh. suppose to wake up at 0630 for some reason or other, like to pack n all, den i counted.. 7 hrs frm den till e time i leave. like nono its crazy. so i juz slept till like 0930 plus.. den went to prepare my breakfast, n now here i am.. abt another 3 hrs plus till uncle gark bin comes to pick me up.. hmmm.. i htink my bag has no space for things like my soap n shampoo.. oh well..

screwed.. ok lar tat was exageration. my day has been ok i guess.. in e sch library now to continue my bio report. did some in e morning. looks like its a good idea to come early to do stuff.. more productive than lying in bed, pancking about all the small little things.. oh well... e only bad thing so far was english. got back my assignment. got like 15 upon 20. sigh.. its like 4th lowest in class can. *ok even though its only 11 pple* but still.. argh.. completely spoilt my day. now i hafta go drown myself in thesaurus n arguments. oh well.. okok enough of all these sad stuff.. gg to finish up my lab report.. den buy lunch for e rest n go for a very boring math make up lesson..

irritating irritating irritating.. so pissed off now. juz talked to my parents. my mum firstly, is desuading me frm trying to get into medincine. cause. *its tough and u ownt get your pr* like wadever lar. can go dentistry cause will get pr cant go medincine cause wont get pr. not like i will get in. its like so difficult to get in lar. juz try oso cannot. irritaitng. den wan me to go do education.. like wad the... sigh.. cause education is in demand in aust. so they will auto give u pr. like please. i'm not here to get my pr. i'm here to study. and she has apparently decided that i will stay in aust after that. please can. i wanna go back to singapore. *singapore's pace is very rush* so? i like cannot ar? sheesh. i'm very very irritated now. sigh. juz push me to stay in aust cause u like e pace of living. u come here lar. den i go back. nth wrong wad. not like u come here means i hafta b here as well.. hrmph. nxt time talk to daddy alone can liao. so much better n encouraging. sigh.

my bio report.. hmmm not even half way through. sigh.. dunno wads wrong wif me lar. now thinking of dropping bio.. worried e stress is getting e better of me cause i dun understand n all.. e thought of having a test is like disastrous. like cant imagine how i'll fair for it. oh well.. told dad already. if my first test n i do badly, i'll juz drop it. den concentrate on e other 3 subs.. oh well.. english oso haf alot to do.. okok i needa go to sch early to complete d bio report. n omood to do at home. sigh...

hmm juz watched a movie. quite nice. i dun feel like doing work.. today while havin lesson wif mrs caverly, alfred told laura n myself tat if we wanna score, we muz add in xtra info. not juz e basics tat e teacher asks for.. sigh.. which means i hafta go redo my chem report. n make e xtra effort for my bio report! argh. dis sux lar..

briefing for umet and stuff for possible medical/dentistry students tmr.. which means i cant go hme early. which means i wont b able to get to e back. sigh. irritating leh.. i cant draw enough cash frm e account i'm suppose to draw frm.. sigh. wad does tat mean? it means tat i'm dead. ok lar not tat bad.. but i needa get to e back b4 4. which is never possible. sigh.. only drawed enough to pay patrick. but not yet for my new hme stay parents.. sigh. i dun wnana carry so much cash srd..

the temp here is getting hotter when its suppose to get colder. today was rather humid for dis time of e yr.. ok compared to singapore its nothing. in fact, its considered nice temp. but for here, its considered hot.. heh.. i haf so many work to do.. bleah.. analytical essay. wad on earth is tat man. heh.. oh well..

oh yes. uncle garkbin is helping me wif shifting! heh so happy. as in like got ppl to help me lar. esp since doris refuses to help me. its either i find someone to help, or shift later. even a mth later oso can. sigh. heh.. oh well.. nvm. as wad dad said.. once i get out of here, i dun hafta see doris anymore!!! yay!!! heh. okok.. tat was mean..

i give up, i give up, i give up. a bunch of irresponsible ppl. wad can i say. i'm getting very irritated. very very very irritated. counted 3 already. out of 20. tat is 15% alot u noe.. sigh.. wad can i do, wad can i say? i really wish i can give up now. mayb i shld juz not go back to singapore. *tat was a VERY wild thought* sigh..

hmmm.. juz bathed.. n its like super dry here.. hafta put moisturiser everyday. *sth i dun quite enjoy* heh.. but i guess its sth i hafta do.. sigh.. met doris today.. n she refuses to help me wif shifting. i told her my fren not free, she said shift when shes free. worse come to worse wait for 1 mth *just for my fren to send me to e new hme stay* den shift. sigh.. how nonsensical can she get.. oh well.. i'll figure out lar. dun wanna stay here much longer either.. over nxt few days muz start moving all my books to e locker.. makes my life easier. packed some of my stuff already. e worse are e clothes.. heh. n i brought loads of dem.. so like dunno how i'm gonna put dem back in. heh.. oh well oh well.. tentative date for shifting is saturday 1400 *thats if my new host parents r not busy at tat time.*

juz sms mrs lai*primary school teacher* today... she is still e most zai mentors ard.. i tell u.. heh.. besides e usual qn i get "hows life?" she asked me this qn tat really made me think. "What is one challenge and one special blessing?" it really set my mind thinking. what can i praise God about? what trails *not temptation* can i thank Him for? hmmm.. each time i talk to her or sms her, she wld always give such thougth provoking qns. on e surface it seems rather easy, but if u noe wad she'll lead on to asking, it becomes so meaningful.. thanx mrs lai..

oh well.. did some math juz now.. so sian. dun feel like doing.. last time mrs see n ms beh drill us enough liao.. still hafta do summore. heh.. n today e xtra math lesson was ok.. but rather boring. can see like no one was listening. n ivon was like crappy lar. i think juz to keep herself listening.. sigh.. dis is not gonna help man.. nvm nvm.. shall go learn myself. heh.. oh yes. i got a shock for bio today. she said got quiz. den i was thinking. surely get ZERO. heh. but in e end it was open book. like those typical qns she gives us, juz tat she puts marks to dem n collects dem. oh well.. heh so crappy can..

had a nice "chat" wif dawn last nite.. i'll pray. dun worry. i'll pray fervently. i'll tell e cell grp tat i join if i haf a chance. we'll keep that in prayer. i'm worried too.. anyway. all e best for e ANGELS programme.. hope u all get enough money ar.. and guitars too.. juz saw faith's message on friendster tat u all need guitars. heh.. hope u all can find enough in time. n tat all e shipping stuff wld reach dere on time *not like last yr* heh..

i needa go try out my atm card.. to make sure its working. but i'm juz so lazy everyday. sigh.. need to force myself to go tmr. juz incase anything goes wrong.. oh n draw money to give to patrick b4 i leave.. hmmm... i dunno why, but i cant find my bath tat dr joyce gave me.. sigh.. yikes speaking abt doctors.. i hafta sit for e umet test can.. sigh.. suddenly feel like backing out. dun think can cope wif so many things. sigh.. and tat reminds me tat i hafta go do my bio report. dun even noe wads required. good thing i send an "emergency" email to elaine for her help *u see ar.. younger sista teaching older sista. tats how much advance nus high does man..* heh so shall go compare her report wif e info i haf den go do.. hmmm..

sigh.. yes here i am online again.. i havent done my plan for my argumentative yet!!! bleah.. tmr early morning haf e test. argumentative. sigh. never written tat in my life. besdes e times tat TLL made it complusory to write..

church was ok today. talked abt mothers day. i realise tat sometimes wad ym needs are things tat wld relate to us. eg. today's service. u juz see how many ppl haf been touched by the sharing n sermon today. its nearly the whole congregation. *i nearly cried. thank goodness i din*

oh well.. juz read marcus's post.. rather 2 entries ago.. wad can i say... sigh.. n kw sms me juz now.. sigh. i'm tired of pushing on for all these things. i guess whats most important is that they can worship God. i realise youths in singapore are juz too panpared for choice at which church to go to. dun like dis, den go to tat. when u come here, yes, you get to choose, but it also depends on transport and all. and saying "i want to change" is not as easy as back in singapore. then you are in that sense forced to stay there and to like it dere *this is a very bad explanation but can't think of how else to put it for now..*

sigh. den u see e leaders. each and everyone is so passionate about serving. lets juz talk about cell leaders. *equivilent to small group leaders in ym* each and everyone of them are so dedicated. so enthusiastic, and as a result,influencing the youths too... if i were to equate it back to the commitment that they haf put it, sigh.. nvm nvm.. not nice to say.. oh well.. its juz e great difference i see here, and my mood juz gets so down when i think about back home, how the leaders are working.. okok.. if anyone reading this is angry or irritated, pardon me. juz stating my thoughts.

hmmm parents dun allow me to go for the thurs cell, so guess i'll b sticking to the friday one. yanjun's one.. went to see jon lai's hme stay today wif cheryl.. not too bad.. e ppl r nice.. place... can adapt one lar.. oh well.. i guess it'll b more convenient in terms of cell.. like can walk down wif jon n andy*tats wad i was told* and all.. hmmm.. cant wait to shift. another 1 more week.. started packing already.. dunno how i'm gonna move all my stuff dere though.. oh well.. so many things. mayb wld ask laura let me use e locker more first. den i can leave stuff dere n den bring it back again e following week.. oh well.. need to start planning..

sigh... feeling so stress up n all over hme stay cell ym school school work etc etc.. sigh.. i need some form of destressing.. ie. talk on e phone.. but i cant call now.. sigh.. oh well.. i miss e times i haf long hrs of talk on e phone.. esp wif e guys.. sigh.. i'm seriously seriously stressed up now.. argh...

Lord, help me to survive this, help me to let go of things and place them all into your hands. Please mould and refine my heart and use what ever i haf for your plans. I really want to stand in the gap between the living and the dead.

okok off to do my hw now. argh!!! fast food essay.. wad nonsense.. bleah.. n bio report*based on elaine's one*

schs been ok.. but i haf quite alot of hw to catch up on.. sigh.. no life sia.. later gg out wif laura shawn ivon etc to fremantle. dunno doing wad oso. juz tat its laura's birthday. so go out lor. oh well.. home stay.. doris has been very irritating n my frenz r getting e side effects of me talkin to her frm me. oh well.. sorrie ppl.. still havent decided on which homestay yet. both haf kids both are chinese. hmmm.. which one? i'm getting rather "funny" these few days. mayb its juz e thought of all e work load n stuff.. oh well..

i haf an english plan to finsih which i cant find a single source to use. plus a bio report which i havent done b4 in my life.. *mayb juz a vague one in secondary 2.* oh well.. dis is reallly eathing me up argh! *eunice needs a balanced lifestyle* sigh. hope things wld get better once we catch up wif e feb intake ppl.. bleah!!!

hmmm.. yes yes.. someone said i shld go blog.. so here i am.. heh.. oh well.. i juz watched 2 movies. courtesy of marcus who lent me 2 of those he rented.. shall attempt some english reading b4 i sleep n at e same time, wait for my parent's call.. hmm.. wads taking dem so long to call?? juz had grilled pork wif apple sauce. quite ok.. sch work.. ar. sigh.. i need a break. juz a short one wld do.. so i guess e movies did tat bit.. so now i hafta go continue studying.. doris is still looking for a homestay for me i guess.. hmm.. hope its ard dis area.. *i really needa start my serious studying* NOT HW. hmmm.. i haf like no breaks or *barely any breaks* so like i'm dead tired.. oh well.. bio!!! hope i'm gettin e hang of it.. needa start on my project SOON. soon as i get my internet excess *UNLIMITED* hehe.. i feel so sian now.. i guess i hafta start packing.. since like i haf qutie abit to pack. n dun think i'll haf enough space.. sigh.. oh well.. exams r coming up soon.. *nt as quick as wad jon lai said* but soon enough.. argh!!! panicking for phy n bio.. bleah.. okok.. i shall go of now.. need my sleep n do some reading.. bleah.. nitez!

amazing thing man.. that this internet is working.. sch ended early today. so i'm home having my dinner in my room...oops. no its lunch.. talked to doris today.. home everything turns out right. shifting on 17 may *target date* hope she can find one by then.. oh well.. i shall leave my bio project for now n go do e other work.. hmm.. had a nice little talk wif steph today. discipleship class? wads tat? heh.. n cell.. oh well.. its juz e usual me.. undecisive..

hmm.. things haf been bad.. ok bad as in for home stay. confirm moving out. just dunno where n when. but once i get a hme stay, i'll move out immediately. yes. immediately. on tat day itself. cms is worried i'll get physical abuse frm e hme parents or even a greater degree of nagging. oh well.. n doris wanna see me tmr. i dun wanna see her. she is not nice. i dun like her. bias her. heh. ok. abit obvious tat i'm not on good terms wif her. den again, who is? besides the students her husband is incharge of. hmm..

school has been ok.. i'm still ok wif it. e only prob is that i haf loads n loads of work.. especially math. n like i do most of dem, but prob leave out some. heh.. juz too tedious to work through like 100 over sums.. its been e most amt of work any math teacher has given me for me to hand up e nxt day. crazy man.. finished my argumentative essay today. tmr hafta do a plan for my assesment for argumentative essay. shld i choose fast food or video games.. *ponders* n i still haf letter to e editor to do by thurs.. plus even more reading materials that she has given to us. oh well.. but she was quite nice. baked cake for us frm e oranges tat she grew.. heh.. phy is ok.. juz tat when i get blur, i need someone to explain to me in SINGAPORE english. ok least english that makes sense so that i'll understand. oh well.. chem is.. slack. bleah. she started on a new topic.. but its all that mjc had taught us.. like duh.. quite common sense for some stuff.. bleah.. so i'm still stoning during chem lesson. cant wait till prac. least i can use my brains a little.. math is ok.. juz e loads on hw.. as for bio.. i'm more or less getting e hang of it.. heh e teacher said so too*not like she noes it or not* oh well. had like 1hr40min of bio today.. bleah.. but i guess wif e sml class, much as i wont like to admit it, it is good. heh. *facing reality* oh well.. but still.. i need ppl to explain to me in a language tat i understand. n i cant always *scream* for vivien back in singapore rite.. oh well.. i'll survive. heh..

cell.. hmm.. havent decided. talked to stephanie on monday. havent gotten a conclusion. .but more of like got e pros n cons.. hmmm.. how? shaun say go back to e other one. but i dun even noe like why.. oh well.. shall see which one i'm comfortable wif? dis thurs steph is leading her cell.. but its THURSDAY the day b4 the last day of sch for the week.. which you probably wld haf loads of hw.. argh! crap!! bleah.. i need my rest man.. heh.. n i need time for hw. now tat my free periods are taken away for lessons.. oh well.. den tat leaves me wif only 1. which is on friday. *If i'm not wrong, e fcc one is oso on thurs* so tat leaves me wif e one on friday.. shld i go? ok i'm completely contradicting myself.. or rather making myself lost.. shall go off now n pray abt it.. n finish my mother's birthday present. heh..

*pray for my allocation of a new homestay*