i'm slacking like crazy in isngapore. feel so unproductive.. watching da chang ji the whole day... hahs.. camp in 2 days. cant wait.. heh. lala..

haha. now i can blog freely after 2 days.. heh.. now dat e rest noe dat i'm back.. heh.. e bbq was fun.. but not much of fellowship..

I MISS PERTH. seriously.. i miss everything der. heh. from ppl to like church n all.. man. i wanna go back..

it all seems so weird. can i revert to the the past??

suddenly, i seem to have forgotten EVERYTHING. all the principles i tried sticking to. all gone. sigh. whats wrong man.. i found the principles that i want to stick by. yet, i seem to be loosing them now. argh.

i spent such a long time overcoming it. i recall the times i spent trying to treat you as you are. following ___'s example. i seem to have succeeded, but i have no idea how you managed to bring those memories back to haunt me. i feel as if i have reverted back to my oldself. i feel like i am at a lost. i start worrying over what i should do when i see you. i really don't know. i feel like locking myself out when dad is out as well and only coming back when dad comes back.

i know as ___ said today "children obey your parents" but how difficult it is. to obey and "protect" yourself at the same time and try to act normal at the same time. when will you realise that i am no longer that primary 5 or secondary 3 girl you had yons ago? when? i long for a freedom to learn to be independent. i thank God for this wonderful experience where i have learnt so much more in this period than in my whole life. gratitude. each time i study/work next time, i am sure to look back at this living example. WWJD.. ironic in its own way isn't it? *dun read into dat sentence* but really.. What Would Jesus Do? sigh. i dunno..

side note: i will miss all in perth. much as i haf a mixture of fearful, joyful, etc experiences, i will miss each and everyone of them. as i was watching a movie wif jon n ailing last nite. while at the park wif irwin n jon today. i'll miss each n everyone of you. *serious* i'll miss the times we've shared. and as i finally bid goodbye, not knowing where i would be next yr, i pray for all the times i've had wif all of you, all the lessons i've learnt from all of you.

i don't wanna relieve those days of fear. fear of you. why? i dont want this to happen. Lord, help me..

i've got my licence for driving!! *haha kw!! i can drive earlier than you!!* HEHE..

why is it you. i always seem to lose. to fail. it is always against you. why do i use you as my "cut" why? why must things always turn out this way? why? maybe i just havent done my best. sigh..

lalala.. exams are over!!! heh. ok. dat was like one week ago news.. eh.. ya.. exams over, been slacking, haf been having terrible dreams about my exams. that i did very badly.. heh.. okok dat is e boring part..

went down south wif jon marcus dawn leon brenda n carol.. heh.. it was quite a fun trip.. first day juz slacked ard in e common games room and also did some grocery shopping, cooked and enjoyed in our own spa. heh. 2nd day went to busselton jetty and caught 1 squid 3 crabs and 9 fishes.. out of which 3 were caught by carol, 6 by jon.. heh.. den we cooked em at nite.. 3rd day did all e buying of stuff. n 4th day went mandurah to crab again.. heh..

the whole trip.. dawn keep on getting teased by them. terrible lar.. me also, but i think to a lesser extent.. anyway.. ya.. had loads of super funny videos to watch and all.. muz go rename em n burn em too some time soon.. heh..

hmm.. i juz realise.. taylors is so screwed.. gonna tell those who wanna come to aust dun come taylors(perth)*least for nxt yr* oh well.. so thankful my batch stillgot quite good teacher.. okok.. dun judge. hrmph..

bio exam.. can give up liao. heh. ok.. shant do dat. kena nagged at by some many ppl alrady.. shall start tmr. today is for me to pack my room.. i wanna go back singapore!! hehe.. lala

past week has been bad.. first was exams.. screwed up physics.. prob get e result on monday.. think i cna forget getting medicine. so i'll b stuck wif science education nxt yr.. sigh.. unless i slack ard singaproe for a year. sigh.. argh!! how..highly depressed now.. guess wad ppl said really brought my confidence to get an interview really high.. but i forgot dat ppl r always smarter than i am and it wont b my turn so soon.. signapore or here..

sigh.. mayb i'm thinking too much. or is it a vicious cyclel.. mayb its all God's will..

been having a headache for the past few days. sigh..

i realise... walking at night alone is super nice.. just that its rather scary as well.. as in it can be scary.. but walking at nite is nice.. ALONE. heh.. listen to music, think, walk, think, listen to music, walk... heh.. oh yes. sms. heh.

hrmph.. dis exams period has been a crazy one man.. i still went to garden city this afternoon to walk.. heh.. den last nite slept so late. den tmr morning gg to wake up super early for driving lesson.. sian lar..

anw.. i'm waiting for the rain to stop!! then i can go out to e library.. needa do some last minute revision for physics b4 tmr's paper.. i need to get the formulas into my brain n remember them!! ARGH..

hmmm.. ok.. i think e rain stop liao. least its only drizzling.. shld b feasible to walk.. chaoz.

its freaking early in the morning!! what on earth am i doing online man.. can't seem to sleep.. looking at photos.. ie.. memories.. sigh..been thinking alot. infact, too much..



anyway..i must blog this.. argh.. kena bullied so many times by mr jonathan lai today can.. first was in the car.. he stuck his leg out to the frong right in my face!!! hrmph. i screamed, n christine carol n irwin got e after effects of jon's doing.. after dat, jon took my walled n placed it on the road when we were leaving sch!! nearly drove off w/o my wallet!! hrmph!! den.. aft studying in murdoch *which was not very fruitful today* he went on his famous jerk rides.. hrmph...



n i realise sth.. ppl who go overseas r all qutie mature one. heh.. n e ppl back hme.. *pmc ym 1988 batch in particular guys* are rather childish. heh.. k nvm dat was generalisation.. so ignore it. hahs.. i'm not making sense. mayb its e time dat it is now.. i still dun feel like sleeping.

screwed.. argh. having another panic attack now.. hrmph. i'm so dead for my sciences. cant seem to get anything into my head. den come to library see everyone mugging.. argh!!

i feel like giving up now. seriously. i just feel like giving up. Lord, give me strength to pull thorugh.

ok. my blogging has been like lesser and lesser.. cant even remember when i last blogged. if it was long ago or not.. anyway. eng n math over. teachers said both were ok.. *prays* hope so man.. muz start on physics chem n bio soon.. i realise my physics really cmi..

anyway.. was reading a devotion on friday morning.. about tolerating ppl and all.. and showing God's grace to ppl who irriate you.. really good man.. really learnt alot frm it..

hmm.. today was oso a day of "revelation" realise who in singapore are your true friends. who do not only come to you when they need help, but when u need help, they are there too.. i give up on some ppl already.. ungrateful some may say.. i'm juz disappointed..

on a side note: i realise guys can have extreme moodswings too.. sometimes even worse than girl's.. sigh..