another year has come to an end.. so many things has happened in this year.

taylors
laura - thanks so much gal. the one accompanying me nearly everywhere in school until u met shawn? hahs jking jking.. love u gal. cya nxt yr. u've been a great fren.. enjoy ya stay in columbia. ivon - yoz yoz. super frenly one. thx 4 making e april intake so lively. gonna miss ya nxt yr. no noise ard. hehx. steph to - thx 4 being such a great fren. listening to my opinions in church and correcting me if i'm wrong. u're e best man. marcus - hi mr teo hows mrs teo doing? dun deny le lar.. anw. u've been great lar. thx for being so frank n all. appreciate it. april intake - though der are only 10 of us, but its really great being wif all of u. love ya.
christine - u've been great man.still surprised u were in rc. all e best in ya studies. gonna miss ya terribly dawn - yoyoyo.. hahs. still very fun to disturb u mrs teo. u're so cheerful e whole day, bringing life and joy to e ppl ard u.. irwin - STAR!! hahs. thx 4 being such a great fren. hahs. enjoy your STARy night. jon - aye. hsemate, fellow cell member. thx 4 teaching me so many things. gonna miss ya craziness man.. alfred - hey. thx for teaching me wad generosity is all abt. ipcheryl- oh no. so sorry i missed you out!! hahs. thx for being such a great fren. really glad that i knew someone in perth who i can trust even b4 i went der. hehs. looking forwar to another 3/4 yrs wif u. hehs

zion praise harvest
yanjing - hey.. thx for being e BEST cell leader i've ever had. learnt ALOT from u. thanks for everything. ailing - yoz. e best cell helper man. always so crazy n noisy!! hehs.. in a good way i mean.. so sad. your last yr in perth le..

australia
huibing - you silly girl.. whole day party n holiday one. hahs. anw. thx for being der for me to listen to my complaints and stuff in aust. really glad that u went over. heh. miss u. pls study hard for your exam. and no more holidays till your exams are over ar!!

singapore
dinah - thx so much for keeping in contact gal. so happy for u.. got good results. jia you ar! vivien - hahx. someone forgot to reply my email once u entered uni!! hahs. thx for listening though kw - thx for those calls man. heh. so nice being able to tok to singapore ppl shaun - thx 4 helping n listening.. u've been a great fren bert - thx 4 caring. n e email too. rachel&yiying - hey gals. so sorry. hafta leave like 4 mths into e year. but it was great being ya sgl for such a short period of time. anyway, itsvery encouraging to see you all serve. love ya.

misc
elaine - hahs. yes i needed e colours for this.. anw. so happy see u grow up le. ok abit only lar. but still better than nothing. still as pampered. hehs. jking. jiayou!! and dun give up on chemistry. chem rocks!! hehs

*if i've missed out anyone, pls pardon me*

ip. u're right. its very difficult for ppl to understand our situations. oh well.

anw. gathering at jon's hse today. hahs. enjoyed myself.. well. most of em wld b heading for uni of melb or monash uni.. so.. won't b seeing them anytime soon i guess.. so sad.. so many of em heading there dis yr man.. gonna miss all of u.

i hate you i hate you i hate you. time and time again, you bring upon the 3 of us unhappiness. you are the one that is breaking this family apart. you have caused him to be at a lost. you insulted your daughter, you hurt her. i hate you. i should never have forgiven you when i left in april. i should never have. you have not changed. i hate you. some times i wish i would never see you again. but out of due respet *which you are losing soon* i try to pull myself closer. i should never have done that. i should never have come back to singapore. sometimes i wonder why you would do what you have done. out of duty? argh.

i dun like it when u bring up this topic. no matter how you sound. it turns me off. how?

"When you miss a person, you miss who the person WAS, not who the person IS"

heh. taken frm christine's msn nic. how true.. yes yes. currently missing loads of ppl..

i realise i'm lacking something. really am.. after reading someone's blog. really realise that i am holding on by my own strength..

relatives came over yesterday.. spent most of my time babysitting. heh.. so called lar. beginning was entertaining ppl. den aft dat was e kids. den aft dat was john. heh.. my 4 yr old cousin lar.. he super cute.. but take care of him very tiring.. took afew pics too.. man. he is so cute. den aft dat when i took my laptop down to show grace n joy e superdoc photos. den dey were having fun wif bert on skype grace n joy still can rmb ah teck n kiki. hahs. so cute man. those kids..

woohoo. christmas might not be that screwed after all *i hope* anyway.. i juz realise its such a small world!! heh..

had caroling today. it was fun.. had loads of fun man.. heh. n den went for candlelight service. den carolled outside church. n guess wad. ailing came. dat silly gal was "dancing" and prancing infront of me.. made me laugh n can't sing properly lar. sheesh. heh. anw.. kah hon n jon lim came too.. n den. i realise dat jon lim is related to ber some how. n i think to ryan somehow too.. interesting rite. heh..

hmm. its gonna b a busy nite. muz pack my room for tmr.. n write fininsh my cards. yawn..

looks like i'm gonna haf another screwed up christmas this year. same reason as last year, *more or less* the same cause, the same person that is causing it. argh. must it always be christmas.

went out wif my scrcy ppl yesterday. really miss those days dat u go out wif 1 big grp of gals, and make so much noise u dun care abt e ppl ard u. and be so unglam but not care.. man.. miss those times.. and everyone hasn't changed.. guess its cause everyone is still in singapore.. man.. miss those scgs days.. nv regretted gg to a girls sch.. miss em..

oh my goodness.. GOD IS GRACIOUS man.. heh.. i got into medicine!! heh.. amazing. originally it was dentistry interview.. in e end i got in for med. heh.. *happy*

hmm.. apparently this topic on what part wld u play in e ym b.. ironically, i seem to wanna help, but am stuck.. n dunno where to help or where i can be of help or of use or of aid. sigh..

some how, u haf e capability to touch sth inside of me. i really wonder if what you said stands till now. things have changed drastically.. i can see it. it is clear to me, but i really wonder how much of wad you said is still true. many times, i only see the rough and hurting side.. i wonder if there is any of e opposite side left? i need assurances, that you are still there. i don't understand why only for u it is so tough to do so. you gave me affirmations.. do they still stand?

i'm not as strong as you think *** i don't take negative, i take positive *** i don't take hard, i take soft

i'm sorry. i'll keep quiet frm now on.. all i had was good intentions. to help improve stuff.. anyway. i guess God wld haf his own timing for me ya??

i can't do it. i just can't. after today. seeing the new sec 1s.

my passion is for the youths.

i just can't do it.

[ 16 Dec ] do you know the amount of pain you've inflicted on me? time and time again. now you turn people against me what on earth is your aim here? i really dunno.. i really wish that one day you'll mature and stop such nonsense. sigh. my hope placed on you is slowly fading.. can you please do something.

i give up. gonna give myself a timeline. if nothing is done, move. till then, i shall juz do my best in everything..

sigh.. more n more confused.. feel that i shld juz stay put in one place.. sigh.. argh.. so lost lar.. i miss cell group.. i miss the fellowship of believers. i miss the kind of encouragement you get.. sigh.. i came back assured dat sth wld b done.. but nth is.. you gave me the assurance and confidence that i won't miss cell.. apparently not. sigh.. this is making me run dry.. sigh.. mayb i shld never had came back so early. sigh.. argh..

how??

have i lost you you and you?? i may have gained you you and you.. but den again, i dun wanna loose the rest of you.. sigh.. does it mean that since i have left, i lose it?? was it all but a dream too?? how many dreams of mine must be dashed?? argh.. sigh..

Jesus you're my superhero
You're my star *jumps*
My best friend!!

hahs.. Superdoc camp was great.. bits n pieces of unhappiness, but overall, super fun!! woohooo.. jump jump jump into the light light light..hahs. ok. these 2 songs r stuck in my brain. all frm hillsongs kids. heh.. day 1 was super tiring. dunno why.. but another thing is at like 2am in e morning, michelle *one of my grp member* was singing and jumping around the room *can't sleep!!!!!!* hahs.. anw.. ya.. i had a great grp lar.. they were a handful, but had great fun lar.. like grace whom i had to carry around *joy rides* and like wad.. she jumps onto me and clings on like a monkey. i dun even hafta carry her lar.. hahs.. and like zven who was a headache but was very nice after u noe him better.. den like james who willingly acted as a gal.. and all. man.. miss all of em.. heh..

anw.. another camp coming soon.. hmm.. *tired*