as far as i like to be living in the present, i also like to reminisce the past; i just opened my box of memories. literally, the one i keep hidden beneath my stack of backpacks, under my table. first thing i see is the picture of me with my pockets turned out, in the wooden photoframe from audrey. it makes me happy :) i think everything in that box makes me happy.ok. only five minutes has passed and i take that back. the things in the box makes me sad. because they are in the box. the box kept under the table. because they are things from the past. the past that no longer exists. relationships that no longer exist. connections that no longer exist. purpose that no longer exists. and meanings that no longer exist. half the box is filled with words. words that have probably been forgotten. words that no longer show anything. words that no longer hold the same meaning. i wouldnt want to get lost in that world of words.the other half of the box? at first glance, i see pictures, photos, gifts, presents; memorabilia. at second glance, i see relations, values, promises, secrets; connections. at third glance, i see emptyness, vacuous, void, replacements; nothing.if looking at the things in the box could make me feel like how i felt when i first saw them, i will look forever. -shifan-

you know, the thing about scrcy is that you'll come hate it so much but at the same time, you can't help but love it as much. strange isnt it. was reading cara's reflection and i thought about the four years ive been in sc. scrcy was a huge part of my sc life & through this, i've actually met some of the most amazing people i'll ever meet in my life. & the fact that her batch just passsed out just occured to me that it's been quite a while since ive last met up with my crazy level mates and i really do miss them. like a lot a lot. i miss those times we did stupid things i miss those times we stayed up till very very late at night to prepare for ttime. i miss those times we did drills till we died. i miss those times where we came together and complained abt meetings and such. i miss those times where we would just sit together every recess without fail. i miss those times where we suffered and survived through camps together. i miss those times when we cried and laugh with each other. i miss those times where everyone had one common goal and was out to achieve it together. i miss those times where we just all hung out at yak's place eating her food, watching scv, making a lot of noise, bbq-ing and having pool-dunking sessions, sneaking out at night & getting attacked by transverstites. i miss preparing for poc (though it's always a sad occasion). i miss sitting in the room complaining about the ruined old metal cupboards and run-down comp, snatching for the two couches, having spring cleaning sessions cos we're always messing up the room and all.i miss everyone. i miss those times. and yes, i miss scrcy. :(sigh, won't it be nice if the next time we all meet up, EVERYONE in our level can be there? -aud-

well... both of em kinda summarised all my feelings. like really everything.. u noe. its been a long time since i've caught up with my secondary school frens. of course there are exceptions like huibing who i talk to ever so often.. ppl like soling who will confirm keep intouch wif me. ppl like phelicia who tries to meet up wif m e whenever she goes back.. ppl like moo who will send an email once in a blue moon. ppl like ying who will catch up wif me once in a blue moon too. haha. but den again, der are the countless of ppl who i dun talk to anymore. i was just talking to huibing last night about how fast time flies. like the girls who were sec 1s when we were sec 4s are NCOs now. how i wish i could stay n see how they mature and grow. how they change from sec 1s to sec 4s. i somehow still can't believe. i really regret not joining HQ. because i really want to return sth that i got out of my 4 years to scrcy. charles mention that admin is a gift. but i dun think so. i think it is my training from 4 yrs of red cross. the way i do things. ppl say i am capable. i think it is just the kind of character scrcy has instilled in me. though i had my share of unhappy memories from there, but in e end, they can be forgotten. in the end, it is really what you have gotten out of it that makes you who you are today. maybe God wants to use me for something greater. maybe God has a different plan for me. whatever it is, scrcy has really been a blessing. thank you girls.