sigh. i suddenly felt very stressed. very stressed to pass everything. like u noe suddenly start panicking. sigh. if anyone is reading this, please pray for me. for understanding of my notes, for wisdom in studying and for accuracy in spotting wad to study.. yea.. it was a very stressful 5 min convo wif my dad. though like he din stress me out or anything, just checking on how my studies is going and all.. but den, i felt super stressed. like i need to pass this, den i need to do my sup papers, den can i go on to next year. and den, i will have another mind boggling year ahead if i go on. like i really wanna do med, but i seem to b so stresed out about it.

mission trip to cambodia is cancelled. sigh. i wanted to go. 2 times le. suppose to go but din get to in e end. not gg cause dad has work in thailand. oh well. but in place, i get to go to thailand!!!!!! haha. 6 days in thailand. how cool rite. hahs. den mayb will head for vietnam 1 week later. dad got work to do in those 2 places lar... *yay* wanted to go for mission trip wif zion to china during the youth camp, but i guess not. dad dun allow. he wan me to study for my sup paper. but i am so scared i dun get it. like really really scared. like scared until can cry if i think about it. sigh..

i really wanna b ogl and mentor n host day leader etc etc. but i guess.. if i really wanna win that one more soul for Christ nxt yr, i wld haf to do really well dis yr. ok concentrate n study eunice!!! Your comfort is in the Lord, whom gives you strength when you are weak, who lights your path in times of darkness..

ushering tmr for zion leaders meeting. better b a productive morning and afternoon..

*edited*

and if i can tell u that i am stressed, means i really am. a "haha" is not what i expect out of a close fren. only when i am close to my max then do i admit i am stressed. you're not helping. all the laughter and acting high are just a facade. a way to relieve this stress as well.. do u really think i am that happy-go-lucky?? "'

everyone wants to be heard. not only in issues that interest people, but in everything. i am no different. i want to be heard too. not only heard when the issue interests you, not only heard when you want me to hear sth frm u in return. this is not getting me anywhere is it? hahs..

anyway, really wanna say a big THANK YOU to another you. thankyou for listening to me. and at least i noe i do the same when u need a listening ear. thankyou for accompanying me so many times. thank you. though i noe to certain extent i do neglect you when i am super busy, i try. like i told bijia today, i am trying to balance them out. but really, thanks. thanks for correcting me and reminding me about areas that i am weaker in. thanks for being such a great friend.

exams are next week. and i have barely studied. sigh. my brain aint working. moreover, i was not feeling well dis morning. anyhow, muz mug again tmr!! reid library here i come!!

i do not understand. yes, i am getting used to it, but why is it you must make such a big issue out of it. i do not understand. something that is suppose to be personal to you, why must you announce it to the whole world, make people's life difficult and still insist on people changing when they refuse to? i see these as a sign of getting attention. the want for attention, the need for attention. as a fren, i wanna help, but you are the one that is making life difficult.

sigh. no comments..

anyway. i shall update later. got loads to update about our last day in sch as well as my sailing session!! woohoo!! oh n ushering too.

last week of schooll... how slack.. hehs.. had my last pbl yesterday. sigh i did badly for my portfolio as well as my mid semesters. sigh. how how how muz study!!! need to stop panicking and doing my part and leaving the rest to God. i notice, each time i panic, i start worrying, each time i think of leaving it to God, my heart calms down. ohyes. we had a party during pbl yesterday. it was quite funny. cuase i realisee the locals term of party is each one bring a small item. someone brought a pkt of gummies, another a pkt of twisties, another some mini chocs. and i came in with 3 1.25L soft drinks, a huge bag of chips, cups, biscuits. gosh. eunice is ks man. hahs. oh yes. and like it was like super weird cause we were eating during presentation, and not really having a party. more like snacking. den i brought back hte extras so i haf loads in my room now..

in e library now. suppose to go like in e morning to study wif rynettta, but as usual, woke up later. *lazy me* so i did 1 ilecture at home, and here i am doing the rest. hope can complete e others lar.. letitia came at ard 2.40, den jason wx ryn let jas n me went for coffee at 3.. had chai. nice! haha pity alot of ppl dun quite like it. hehs. i kena influenced by jamie n dorcas. yup studying now lor. have to do quite abit. muz finish my ilectures so that i can start on my revision. JIAYOU!!

during coffee juz now, jason was talking abt aft exam activities. sigh. everything planned for after i leave. why am i gg back so early? as i told mum. now i really see no point in gg back early. i shld haf juz stayed. if not for courtesy, to go back ealry to prepare for e camp, i wont haf bothered. let me tell u wad i am missing out. i am leaving on 19nov morning. on 19nov, dey r gg sailing for e whole day!! *I WANT!!!* and then on 20-21st nov, dey r gg rottnest island for a camping trip *I OSO WAN!!!!!!* and then, aft dat dey will find a day to go to the beach!!!! *BLEAH!!!* and def will haf stuff like rockclimbing etc etc. gosh. i am missing out on so much.. den when jason comes to singapore, on the 30nov to 7dec, i will b like leaving on 2dec for cambodia *i think* so which means if i wanna meet up, only got 30nov and 1dec.. he got so many things planned.. i dun think i can do much. like gg for the 360deg skiing thing, sentosa, ubin, etc etc. gosh. i oso wan!!

ok. now b4 thinking abt such stuff, i shld go study. hehs. back to ilectures and genetics.

hmm how right it is when they say that once you stay awake past a certain timing, you cant sleep. cause it is currently happening to me. i am tired but i juz cant sleep. got loads of stuff to do. like finish up miss heng's card and get it sent tmr. and finish my last pbl presentation..

the past 2 days has been great!! service was the bomb. ps dean harvey was like amazing. he spoke of something that really stirred my heart. ympact com. if you are reading this, and if sometime in your season as ympact com get to hear of him coming to singapore, invite him immediately. he is like gosh. the best. 30sth years in ministry. he really uses his own experiences to talk about God's greatness. at first when he told us abt his story, i felt indignant. i thought: why must God do this? yes, Jesus died, but he went up to be with his father. but ps dean's son died, and very likely ended up in hell. it isn't fair. that was what i told myself. then towards the end. he said "Why does it take our son's death to make the people who love us come back to us?" and his wife's reply was "Why then does it take Jesus death to bring people back to God." only then did it strike me. the broken heart of God. *that is the sermon title* God stoop down to make us great. its amazing.

today.. went to play badminton.. was suppose to go down at 3. but i din cause dere was no girls *besides sarah. this ps daughter that came down for holiday. 12 yrs old only!* yea. so i went ard 4.30 to go talk awhile den go play badminton. it was quite fun, though too many ppl.. but generally good. played till 7, then i went home to bathe while the rest headed to myers st, princess rd and the avenue to bathe, rest, etc. yup. den i met stan josh and let at the fish and chips place to buy the fish and chips.. were talking about some interesting stuff.. kekeke. it is just so interesting!! haha. as in like until now, i am still amused at it. though i know that it was a fact long ago. hehs.. yup den we headed for charles's place for SOCCER!!! kekeke. weird eh. since when eunice watches soccer. anyhow, i did. it was liverpool against manunited. manunited won 2-0. hehs. yup had loads of fun there playing with sarah and letitia. trying to guess intelectual games that i still do not know. *hrmph* hahs. yup after that we went on slacking der. watched bourne suprimacy *not sure if it is right* and then they conveniently changed it to bong suprimacy *ie. stanley bong* hahs. yea. then, we went to celebrate jeremy's birthday!! hehe. yup. busy rite. we got to his place at 12 midnight. just nice. hehs. had bijia doing her "thong dance" that was just so wrong. but anyhow, it was fun!!

yup here i am stoning, finished my lab and presentation, but i dunno if i can wake up tmr. gosh.

i just read yingmin grace and charmaine's blog (combined one). and it really touched my heart. especially entries by moo. it was. amazing. to see how God use His child to mould them, shape them.

then i thought about myself. how has my walk with God been. have i been having the kind of relationship he wants to have with me? have i been neglecting Him?

I'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship.

hmm. time seems to past so fast here. like really, i seem to be getting very little done.. i think i should change my sleeping plan.. hmmm.. its like in a blink of an eye, everything seems to be over.. i need someone to make me discipline!! gahs!!

been away.. as in away from school. besdies for labs and tutes. have been studying in the library. seriously, i am quite worried about the finals.. like really got like alot to cover but i dunno how to cover. was actually thinking of justchanging courses. but den again. muz not let mum/ dad hear abt it. if not dey wld kill me. hehs..

confirmed my date of coming back. 18 nite. usual. hehs. so happy dis rd got no problems with the air tickets. hehe..

oh yes. celebrated eliz's bday on tuesday nite. had dinner at hogs breath. gosh. my pocket no money le.. haha. well.. we also got her a food basket... it was good lar.. quite happy wif it. shows that mummy taught me well in wrapping hampers leh. hehs.. yea. in e morning was actually studying wif rynetta and andrew till let came. den aft letitia *let* came, we went to get the gifts and den went mackers. hehs. i wanna collect the whole range of toys!!! lala.. anw. aft dat went to let's hse and we *plus sarah* did the "hamper" yup. it was wif a toy dog. so cute!! yup den it was the dinner.. it was really funny. cuase like max wanted us to find crowns/tiaras for the bday babies *eliz and edi (but only eliz one is the actual day. edi's one is much later)* oh and also get bibs for them. i din noe wad he wanted to do at first, but yea. after awhile i realised. we couldnt find the crowns/tiaras cause the shops were closed by the time he asked me to get it. so we made like crowns frm tinsels. juz one circle thing lar. cause we were at woolies. yup. and the bibs are just so cute!! i muz post em one day. hehs. yea. den der max made em wear both items. which was very very funny. but interesting as well lar.. oh der was a reverse sabo.. like eliz tried to make max drink some disgusting concoction *lift with salt, pepper, mustard, steak gravy, lamb gravy etc* and if max drinks it, she will do the salormoon action for 2 weeks. meaning when max shows the peace sign, she would have t odo that lar. yea it was was was super funny. because like max actually drank it. wincy let n me nearly puked. like just looking at him drink was bad enough. yea. but max did drink it.. and he claims he gets worse in army. waiting for friday. gonna b a great time sabo-ing eliz. hehe..

the week is gonna b quite busy.. today have valedictory dinner at nite. den have to cook oso cause need to preapre for cell. den after that tmr have lessons till 12 and its time to prepare for word!! gahs. cant believe i said yes to do word. bleah. dunno wad to say. but i guess i will survive.

sigh. i realise i wont have much time with my frens when i go back. actually one of the few ppl i wanna meet wld b like ruwei. kw shaun bert. jess abi yvonne. family ofcourse. and meet up wif the other zion ppl lar..

ok. off.weijun shld b coming to visit ryn n me in e lib soon. den we gg for lunch.

final conclusion: eunice should learn how to socialise abit more in parties. hehs.

i think parties are just not the thing for me. i would not go around being crazy, dancing, getting myself drunk. none of those above appeal to me. ie. i should learn. hehs. den again, i really just see it as making a fool of myself.. yikes. hehs. anw. i juz went to charlene *stcaths* 18 bday party.. it was like in a room where everyone was like dancing, dancing and dancing. afew were drunk n high, afew were making out *or so it seems* yadayada.. i would personally prefer to have a gathering wif afew frens and like b able to talk etc. not over loud noises. hehs..

anw. in e morning, i went for sailing. it was so fun!! i love sailing!! hehe. yea. it was like quite a challenge when we added in the front sail cause since der were only 2 ppl on e boat, cheryl n me had to manage the thing ourselves, not like last week got rachel. so like cheryl at first took the mail sail while i manouvered the boat.. yea. actually one person is suppose to do both. but cheryl wasnt confident so we juz splitted it. den when we added up the front sail, she had to take care of it. thus, i did both the main sail and the manouvering of the boat!! super cool! hehs. yea it was really fun lar. like u noe u try sth new. and like juz hearing the science of it is also quite enlightening. hehs. there are so many things that i wanna do. like as in keep on doing. mayb i will go for sailing 2.. sounds good rite? or stick to canoeing. actually i oso wanna do windsurfing. kekeke..

people change. so do i. all i can do is to embrace. and not think so much..

off to the library. muger!! hehs.

sigh. i dun understand, i dun understand.

all i did was help. nothing formal. all impromptu. what did i do wrong?

i think it is just so difficult to work things with people who are of a different wavelength from you. for eg. working with people who do not plan etc.

i guess it never occured to you that everything i am doing now is not stressing me, but what i am getting really stressed about is the inefficiency and inability and lack of planning of people around me.

maybe i am just a perfectionist. something i need to change because it is getting me into alot of problems.

maybe i should just not bother about anything at all. doesnt that sound a whole lot better?

people change. and i just cant keep up with that change. just as i manage to cross over that problem in singapore, i am faced with the same problem 2 yrs later in australia.

maybe i should have just kept quiet. be the quiet and shy girl that josh mentioned i was in the beginning of the year. was that not better?

why rise up so fast and end up being inefficient? i rather it slow but steady.

i miss yanjing amanda steph joey ailing jon beef..

but i am told i will never be able to go back there.

i should never have moved? or should i?

maybe it is all just about pride. the downfall to everything.

what will be my decision for the next few years?

maybe i should start concentrating on my studies and less on church.

maybe i should hang out more wif my med frens den my church frens.

i wish i have the equivilent of the PPG*kwshaunbert* in PMC over here in zion.

suddenly a thought occured to me. why did i go to zionfellowship for 1 mth last yr? pastor is right. everywehre you go, u will experience problems. am i going to run away from it or stay and solve it. i need to remove this perfectionist thing. this efficiency thing. i cannot take it anymore.

hmmm.. internet is down. rather. my com is down. so i cant connect to internet. according to bob *st caths in charge for com stuff* its due to the viruses in the com. sigh. this sux lar.. no msn no emails etc.. gosh. and e worse thing is no webmail and webct for me to do my ilectures!!! gosh. i really wanna cry le.

faith has been complaining dat i nv update one. hahs. she is no better.. so dun talk faith. hehs... anyhow.. yes yes now u see your name here. happy?? hehe

people change. dun u agree?? like everyone changes. and sometiems for the better, sometiems for the worse. and the wrose thing is taht it is sometimes very dfificult to accept them for who they are. gosh. i am getting quite sadistic aint i?? well...

exams are coming. i ahve 4 in total. aint dat bad. but den again, alot to study. MUG..