sigh. i dun understand, i dun understand.

all i did was help. nothing formal. all impromptu. what did i do wrong?

i think it is just so difficult to work things with people who are of a different wavelength from you. for eg. working with people who do not plan etc.

i guess it never occured to you that everything i am doing now is not stressing me, but what i am getting really stressed about is the inefficiency and inability and lack of planning of people around me.

maybe i am just a perfectionist. something i need to change because it is getting me into alot of problems.

maybe i should just not bother about anything at all. doesnt that sound a whole lot better?

people change. and i just cant keep up with that change. just as i manage to cross over that problem in singapore, i am faced with the same problem 2 yrs later in australia.

maybe i should have just kept quiet. be the quiet and shy girl that josh mentioned i was in the beginning of the year. was that not better?

why rise up so fast and end up being inefficient? i rather it slow but steady.

i miss yanjing amanda steph joey ailing jon beef..

but i am told i will never be able to go back there.

i should never have moved? or should i?

maybe it is all just about pride. the downfall to everything.

what will be my decision for the next few years?

maybe i should start concentrating on my studies and less on church.

maybe i should hang out more wif my med frens den my church frens.

i wish i have the equivilent of the PPG*kwshaunbert* in PMC over here in zion.

suddenly a thought occured to me. why did i go to zionfellowship for 1 mth last yr? pastor is right. everywehre you go, u will experience problems. am i going to run away from it or stay and solve it. i need to remove this perfectionist thing. this efficiency thing. i cannot take it anymore.