oh my goodness.. of all things, i hafta see 2 terribly gory stuff today. firstly, der was a lizard dat was on my laptop!!! omg. i tell u.. i screamed man. and itwas like 11pm. gosh. my dad was so irritated.. and 2ndly, my mum sent me an email of infections dat arise frm not washing new clothes. and der was a pic of a person's breast.. that had larva in holes on the breast. omg dat was freaky. until now i still haf thoughts of it. and i like cna die soon. cause i dun think i cna sleep.. and like the picture is still in my head!!!

dear Lord, i pray for your hand of protection to be over all of us, to keep us away from all sorts of harm, injuries, infections, whatsoever.

woohoo!!! i'm back! yup. surviving the heat with my house's aircon on 24/7.. mum say the bills r gg to increase by the hundreds cause of me. hehs.. oh well.. things have been fine.. it wasnt dat bad after all.. but somehow, i feel like a different person back home. its just so different.. *ponders*

been really lazy for the past few days.. my wake up time is nothing earlier than 11.. dis is bad.. terribly bad habit man.. finally got my books on monday. and my teeth hurts.. dr beng tightened my retainers.. and it hurts badly. gg to ask him later if it is right..

been making appointments wif ppl.. my weekends are drained.. *oh no* but still got my week days lar.. been too lazy le..

can't wait to get back to perth! missed plt yesterday and today already. *hrmph* and while i cld b doing sth fruitful in perth, i am slacking and wasting my time in singapore. gosh!!

i'm going back soon. back to singapore i mean. i really dunno how i wld cope wif it. i mean. like der r so many changes ever since i left. things have changed. ppl haf changed. and somehow, teenagers arent stable eh? hehs.. where i am where i am the youngest, i am now to be the oldest. maybe like what dorcas suggested.. i shld move.. shld i? oh gosh. this is such a headache..

past week ever since wednesday has been hactic. trying to pack my room within afew days is no fun. went to taylors on wednesday. sad. most teachers are gone. how nice rite.. gosh.. like. ya. very sad lar.. only left mr enright *still strong as usual*, mrs williams *the one dat keeps away frm politics* and mrs caverly *who is supposedly quitting* the kurians haf left *sad sad*..

went to koorong on thursday to buy stuff. gosh. spent alot.. was quite happy.. dey had a 15% sale storewide.. den oso did a psych experiment in e morning and met chloe in e afternoon to pass her some taylors mags.. oh yes. accompanied cheryl for grocery shopping!!! hahs. and at nite.. ard like 10pm..went over to myers street hsehold for supper.. first passed june some balloon sculpture frm letitia n myself. den went to myers street hsehold.. did some pizza thing.. den played CS. hahs. yes. it was like 3 gals.. dorcas letitia n myself. den like each one using one of e guy's room lar. super funny. mayb i'll get hooked to it?? hehs.. den aft cs we watched the australia vs croatia match. my e time i cycled home, it was 5.30pm... sort of sent letitia n dorcas home first. cuase i had a bicycle after all. hehs.. gosh. my hands were FROZEN and so were my feet..

friday. only had cell. was suppose to do experiemtn but i din make it. cuase i was too tired.. went for a korean dinner and den bubbletea.. met lynn's cell as well.. wif like joey and zhengyi and karen etc etc.. yeaps.. and oso met afew other uwa/curtin cells.. den came back n pack again lar. nth much yesterday..

saturday *ie today* was SUPER busy. in the morning sent my bike to josh's place for 'safe keeping' den went over to the princess road household for breakfast.. the leaders were suppose to haf breakfast together.. yeaps.. and as usual, everyone was late. so. i helped clear up, cook etc. den aft e whole thing, we rushed to ruwei's baptism. *congrats gal!!!* hahs. so nice can.. and so sweet. everyone was tearing.. aft e baptism... came home, preapred for ushering. was ushering again dis week cuase d other team lacked ushers.. yup.. did e briefing and realise kevin is quite a good leader sia.. hehs. ya anw. was pastor assistant today *again* and i tell u. it was hactic. gosh. kettle had problem, made me run up and down.. den today had holycommunion, but overall was ok. cuase cause of e prob. i din like do the other roles *oops* yup. but all was fine.. dinner was at viet hoe.. it was ok. not bad. *full* and here i am...

wanna take a nap. duno if i can wake up. joshc said he wld give me a wake up call. hope i do wake up..

i am so gonna miss perth. seriously. i really dunno how singapore wld b like now.. i think the only thing i cna do is to trust in the Lord.. *amen*

juz came back frm letitia's place.. have been der for e past 2 nites slacking...

anyway.. EXAMS ARE OVER!!! muahahahaha.. kk i know der r ppl out der who havent finished yet.. hehs. dats why i was so nice to go down to Corica yesterday after my paper to get apple strudel cause cheryl mentioned she nv eat b4.. yup. so came back.. cut for her rachel and lydia.. den i decided to b nice to dorcas n josh.. sent it to e myers street household and ofcourse gave the other 2 hsemates as well.. and yup letitia had her share as well.. dats why i was over der.. watched everybody loves raymond wif her as well and talked qutie abit. nice friendship i see building here. hehs. anw.. ya. its always nice talking to her. like finally someone my age *not dat i despise the others* anw. ya. i oso dropped by harbourtown to get some stuff.. hehe.. shopping spree dat was not very fruitful in dat i din feel like i haf shopped *sad* anw. ya.. went to harbourtown b4 gg to corica.. den aft getting e apple strudel, had red rooster wif letitia.. den took 24 back.. nv knew dat bus goes to e city.. yup.. dat was yesterday...

for some strange reaosn, i woke up today at 5am and felt that i had enough sleep.. so i went to bathe *i never bathe so early in e morning its simply too cold. dunno wad got into me today* den watched shows and did my laundry at an unearthly hour of 7.30am.. gosh. did my psych experiment at 9am to 11am. how silly i was to go to the wrong building. wasted my time.. went to koorong wif letitia n janice today only to find that the sale was only on frm tmr onwards. gg back on thurs. hehs.. den we headed for harbourtown to get a waterbottle and to walk around abit.. and den for subi to get boost. hehs. havent had boost for quite awhile *bet faith is jealous now* hehs. anw. yup. den went back. i was watching my show at ard 5pm when i dozed off. only to wake up at 6.40pm. gosh. almost e end of dinner. rushed down and joined e others.. the restulst of waking up early.. aft dat went to letitia's hse again and passed her e real player and also watch last yr's search for a star.. hehs. super funny.. yup. n here i am lar..

busy busy busy. so many plans for the week.. only tmr i most free.. gg taylors to disturb mrs amy's class. muahahahaha..

hmm.. suddenly realise sth.. i seem to be taking ages to adjust into uni life.. especially since in med it is an "exclusive" course (not that it is better but that it does not mix about with other courses.. like our units are fixed and all.. suddenly, i feel distanced and all.. as compared to last yr.. maybe its all in God's plan for me? to learn something out of it. like i mentioned last rd, i seem to have less probs or least less probs that i end up worrying and panicking over.. can i see it as i have matured? or i am running away/distancing myself from things? oh wells..

last paper tmr. past few papers haf been.. dunno no comments. shant comment. results out on 11 july so am not looking forward to it. fahb tmr.. havent studied much. dying. what they teach is far frm wad dey test. like u needa study more on your own to do well..

i've been too lazy to study for the past 3 days. ever since fmc ended, have been packing my room.. gosh. my luggage space is... i've cleared lesser than half of my wardrobe.. and half my huge luggage is gone. meaning my clothes has to go into trash bags. dun exactly wan dat to happen. my bed sheets and stuff toys r already gg into trashbags..

the soceroos are playing wif brazil in 10 min!!! i wanna watch!!! see how brazil trashes australia. hehs.. *its a fact not biased* but got exam tmr. so cant watch.. the last match dat letitia dorcas bijia n myself watched at myers street household was a shocker already. better not have another one..

thanks so much jon.. for teaching me so much last year. for some strange reason, i feel that those conversations where i was "complaining/whining" about all the small little stuff.. and the reminder "why am i turning to man and not to God" really struck me.. and it stuck to me n haf helped me many times.. thanks so so so much...

thanks lydia n cheryl for listening to my ramblings.. for encouraging me when i really wanna give up studying already.. for just being there to listen.. even though u gals prob dunno u're doing it.. thx..

by e time i type finish this.. the match has started. everyone is watching it. while i head for my bed *sad* hehs.

i dun feel like going back. i think its the same problem as last yr. fear. i don't think i had a very big problem that couldn't be solved. it was not as bad as compared to other people. yet, it has left a huge shadow in my life. fear, irritation. could it be cause i have not forgiven? or maybe i just have not broken from the strongholds of that incident. then again, der was nth serious about it.

each time i call, i only have questions for u. or to tell u how my day went. i don't want you to talk. because i know if you do, things may turn sour. it nearly did just now. i don't want it to happen. last year i called u and it broke up in an arguement.

*scared*

i miss you dad, i miss you elaine.

fahb prac.. i tot was good. apparently not. fmc today. dun feel like studying.. feel like going out n shopping. hehx.. my room is in a complete mess from packing.. need need need to go and get more boxes.. not enough for my stuff here.. lydai is getting a tv!!!! haha. meaning i cna go watch when i wan! hehx.. aust vs brazil on sunday..*interesting* hehx.. kzkz off to study for fmc.

a knife

stab

satisfied?

stab

satisfied?

i think i understand the kind of hurt u felt when i was young n impulsive. i still am. please forgive me. maybe i was wrong. u're still the young impulsive one i once was. now u r stabbing 2 at once. smart.

shaun. i think u r right. but i am helpless. prayer works wonders?
as learnt frm a fren today. siblings are prob not the nicest to talk to eh? or maybe its just me?
[shaun] thx man.. [jon] hey.. thx.. hope i dun hafta repeat first yr.. snails? eh. u think i not traumatised enough? hehs.

exams. exams. exams. tmr is sort of my first paper.. and 2nd as well. sian. one at 9am one at 2pm. this is crap. exams was on my mind as i sleep. was on my mind when i woke up. oh gosh. exams r such a torture. i am so scared i dun make the grade.. will they allow me to retake the year? or is it out of medicine i go? gosh. dis is bad. how how how..

[jacq].. eh.. u r.. jacko? haha. sorrie ar. cause i noe afew ppl by e same name. anw. yes gal. got miss u.. will b back soon. hehs.. end june early july.
[kw] its a choice. since u wanna look good, it comes wif a price to pay. dun complain.. hehs..
[stef] hey gal.. will b back end june early july. wld u b on hols?? den can go out or sth. hehs.

hrmph. i am upset at myself. how can i not notice it? it was super obvious. like right in my face.. yet i din see it. where has the sensitive eunice gone to?? where was the eunice who was once in ym now?? the eunice now is insensitive and nonsensical. gosh. how? i know that i prob wont b able to do anything to the situation. but what i cant stand is that i din even think der was anything wrong. like juz ignore n go on doing my own stuff.. couldnt i see? couldnt i think?? couldnt i have some empathy to those ard me?? gosh!

oh my goodness. this is highly embarassing.. was looking through the pig lab in General Purpose 3 com lab.. we went der after the biosci lib closed at 10. gonna stay here till 12. anyway. yes. we came here. and i decided i needed to revise my pig lab. so i went to look. i showed letitia den we decided to show e guys. n we were talking about naming my pig *that has been disposed off*.. so stanley suggested naming it "puppy" and i went "thats so cruel! to call it a dog!" *like imagin cutting up your dog lar!* anyway. and letitia n him broke up in laughters cause what i heard as "puppy" was actualy "babi" meaning pig in malay! gosh. i shld learn some malay huh. so i wont embarass myself again. ok. i decided. babi it shall be. for my pig dat died long ago for the sake of me being able to study fahb. babi. rip.

hrmph. am highly irritated now. cause i juz realise i wont b able to go back for youth sunday and for the shift of the youth service to the chapel etc etc.. hrmph.

supposedly studying now in reid wif cheryl. but duh i am not. kinda bored so decided dat e internet wld do me good. well...

i just realise that i have things missing frm my med chem lecture notes. ie. i am dead. hahs. i hope its not dat bad..

i have decided. after talking to steph.. i think i will take it up. talk to crystal on sat.

i miss home. pmc. ympact *as it is called now*. hb soo2. everyone in church.

so much for wanting to get PR in aust huh..

only time will tell. 6 more years of studies to go *and hopefully no more*

couldn't sleep last night. was tossing and turning in bed. was panicking about my results. panicking about my exams. panicking about responsibilities i have to take up if i do take up the challenge. panicking about how i would cope with my studies then. panicking about what people have told me though they are all praises.

oh God, this stress is getthing the better of me. it is getting a better hold on me than i have a hold on myself.

the panic button is on. someone pls off it!!!

i had a very random urge to go search youtube for stuff.. n guess wad. i found a video on scrcy http://youtube.com/watch?v=zyZGl6o6ns0&search=scrcy like was very surprised. but it was reallly nice cuase i really miss my juniors and all e red cross stuff.. anw.. yes.. den i searched handbells. *for some random reason* and i found sc's performance!! so i think hb n me wld b gg to see it b4 i come back!!! haha..

its the past that makes you what you are today
its the present that brings you trails to overcome
its the future that brings you hope for tomorrow

randomness

oh gosh. i'm sick AGAIN. dis rd, i dunno wad went wrong. woke up wif whole body feeling very very sore.. din haf e energy to do ANYTHING. oh well. so i decided to take my temp. n i was running a fever. acutally. the fever was like fluctuating.. so terrible. anw. couldnt do anything *not even sit comfortably* so called parents and den went to sleep again. slept till 1pm.. den prepared for church.. church was ok. not too bad i guess.. den aft church dorcas sent me to buy dinner. barely ate half of the dinner lar. so i practically ate nth today.. aft dat ignatius sent me home.. yeap. cause transport wise dorcas's car was packed to the max already.. anw. slept awhile when i was back.. den got woken up by a call and here i am lor. feeling much better already though..

was shot wif 2 surprises today. though i am not easily surprised, and like i can more or less make out wad someone is gg to say if u come n talk to me.. like mavis came n talked to me n nick. n i kinda managed to guess wad it was abt.. den crystal called. and once again, i kinda managed to figure out what it was abt again.. but nv expected to that degree.. like seriously.. never.. i dunno if i am suppose to b happy over it or not. but i really really wanna do my best for everything. i am already not given a chance to decide for wad mavis told me. *not that i dun wanna do* but was just like "ok..." den plus crystal's one. gosh dat was e ultimate.. [disclaimer: i am not upset about it. just shocked] ya.. like 2 in one day. actually i wld count it as 3 lar. anw. i still cant decide. i tot of giving an ans to her like aft exams. but she wan it nxt week. hehs. muz go and pray

God, what are your plans for me?

why does it seem that my weeks r not very good these few days?? i think my course is quite a killer.. as in it is killing me at least. got back my foundations of medical chem midsem results. can die man. if i go on like this, i wld juz end up repeating a year. and the thing is that i know the answers but just have not expressed them down in words. this is bad!! gosh.

as for my week on a whole, i've been really clumsy. have injured myself 3 times. once i fell off a bike cause i crashed into a lady. had abrasions. next, i smacked into a pole cause i was juz not fully awake and was like totally off dat morning. abrasions again. and then today, my foot slipped on the pedal, abrasions AGAIN. oh gosh. wad on earth is wrong.

anyway, exams in 1 week time. believe it or not. sigh. my aim is to pass. cause i dun wanna retake a year. i mean. wasting alot of money.. gosh. pray for me pls..