one of the "best" days of my stay in singapore so far is today.. had a family gathering. mom's side.. n gosh am i old.. i am an aunty. newphews joshua 6 xinhang 1mthplus, nieces ariel 4 given 3 adele 2.. josh ariel adele one family. the other 2 are 2 seperate families.. argh. hehe.. so adorable.. pity given din come. but i think e others cuter. hehe..

i had a great time. catching up wif cousins that i nv talk to for like years. or like juz hi bye kinda thing.. and the amazing thing is its facebook that we gotta know each other better. weird eh. yea. so managed to catch up wif sutyee n zhenshin. (not sure if spelling right) but anw. yea. both of em a yr younger than me. and it was qutie weird. cause like all the 4 younger ones were together talking. den the older ones were together talking. as in older siblings and the younger siblings. yea. and another cousin is e mother of josh ariel n adele.. yea.. she came to perth once. den din manage to meet up wif her but den when she came, it was as if we knew each other for a long while n like long lost frens.. hehe. i dunno. juz pretty cool. hehs.. i will try n get e kids pics up soon. hehe..

what is unconditional love?

seeing her grow and mature is absolutely lovely.

but the process is terribly painful.

i care. i really do. i just don't show it. it sucks. when people think you are non-chalent. oh well..

i am sorry.. really. i din mean it.. i will really try harder.

i really dun wanna go back now. only thing i miss is ELAINE!!!

its been ages since i have blogged... so tot i'll pop in sth b4 i sleep.. let n allie over @ my place.. allie has been staying here ever since ping left. i miss ping. haha.. her randomness.. so fun. mmm.. the semester passes so fast.. oh well.. did a couple of things over the holiday so far.. like working, learning how to close the back, like doing admin etc. and then went up north for nearly a week. went snorkelling, atv driving etc. saw like turtles, swam wif e manta ray n reef sharks and loads of loads of fishes and corals.. i miss coral bay.. i wanna go back..

ok. i shall go sleep first. pictures up soon i think.. shall leave the 2 of them to emo/emo-talk in my living room.

chaoz.

i dun understand. how ppl abuse freedom.

come on. get a life. get realistic..

this is honestly, ODD..

like i was telling max [hm grp mate], suddenly i am very 'homesick' like dunno why oso.. super sickening. argh..

i had e weirdest dream last nite. i was @ some event like it was a normal event, but sponsored by some chinese religion thing. den it was terrible lar. some monk started to rituals all over me and at me. and i was freaking out.. and i felt like so.. i dunno. .weird? haha uncomfortable? gosh. such a terrible dream. argh.

suddenly, i have this deep longing to go back to singapore. some how, i miss her. the tiny island.. haha..

today at work, i dunno why, but my mind kept going back to the good old days in singapore.. in scgs, in tution, in heartland mall, in novena sq, in hb's hse. haha.. i guess cause tehse few days got too much recollection of the past. chatting wif hb, reading blogs. hahaha..

i am thinking of booking my flight now to go back for christmas. but i think i will only make it just in time for christmas. dun think i cna go back any earlier. i even tot of juz appearing for christmas service.HAHAHA..

i needa study for exams.. sigh. hahaha.. i am so gonna die for exams if i dun study.. DIE.

some ppl r juz plain stubborn.

we all have different mindsets. i am glad mine is changing. is yours?

some ppl juz dun think.

thx bijia for making me think. r u starting to think?

some ppl r juz plain rude.

thank you Lord for the gentle reminders to be polite. are you?

i am thankful for my cell leader, and for the people around me who have showed me that even when you are tired, you do not throw your tantrum at people. i am glad i have changed. i have learnt to not do it. to not find excuses for things that you can't do, to not give lame reasons for your mistakes and incapabilities. instead, you try and make things better. all you need is effort. thank God i did not continue like that. if not, i would never be successful in life. and people would never like to work with you.. i think i am learning

have you?

i've learnt to be nice when you want people to do something or when you want to tell people something.

its all about love. not about how great you are in doing what you are doing.

have you?

mmm.. while talking to eufei, i had dis sudden realisation. that actually, much as i believe it isn't, alot of ppl read dis blog.. hahaha.. oh wells.. it really amazes me how my writing style has changed over the 3 yrs of bloggging..

anw.. i went to work today.. n it was.. dull. hahs.. i was so tired physically. i was telling my manager i am dead tired. n good thing she din scold or anything.. hehs. for once, i managed to talk to 2 of e guys.. like sth i've never done. cuase dey r kinda scary. haha.. but yea.. it was pretty cooll.. nice guys..

i've juz started my camping spree in gp3.. wanna make it a everyday thing. but feel bad cause josh hasta open door for me.. so.. mayb not.. we shall see how it goes lar. at most reid first? haha.. we'll see we'll see..

ps benny ho's sermon said that b4 we ask for it, we muz make sure we can start alone in Him. cuase if not, we will tend to be emotionally dependent..

suddenly i cant wait to go home. as in back to singapore. cant wait to go back n meet my family, frens. n oso the kids in hope.. miss em loads..

mmm. juz came back frm e jetty.. went der after springfeast in uni.. aft springfeast, headed for jamie's place to play some games. quite fun. its been ages since i did such stuff.. mm. den aft dat couple of em decided to head for e jetty. so i followed.. hehs. quite fun eh. we went fishing.. caught a flounder first.. quite cool. but so small. sad. had to release it back into e water. den came a puffer.. and den another fish dat looked pretty decent.. den everything else were puffers frm den on. quite sad rite.. pictures shall b up on facebook soon. hehs.. anw. yea.. went der wif stan joshlau jamie weiping jeremy(awhile@beginning) max (@end) and yea. i am back in my room while the rest are still out der battling the cold. wonder wad dey r doing. but dey confirm not gg to sleep anytime soon. bet dey will go out for brekkie b4 gg to sleep. heh. i oso wan brekkie. haha.. anw. we were having very interesting conversations.. like truth n dare kinda questions.. which reminded me of my dream last nite.. ok b4 dat.. haha we saw a couple making out near e jetty lar. sick.

my dream last night was very interesting. i dreamt i was back in singapore.. in church. n e church was bigger. much bigger.. and by chance, i was walking to service wif dis old church fren of mine (which will never happen) and we were just catching up. though it was weird, but it seemed true in e dream. anw. yea. n he sort of realised what my problems were in moving church. n somehow, e worship was great. and aft dat somehow, i broke down. and yea.. he was der to comfort me..

it was a pretty interesting dream. i dunno why i had it. it seemed like sth indicating wad i am really concerned abt deep down in my heart.. i wish the dream could go on. and what happened in it could be real..

thank you Lord, for your forgiveness
thank you Lord, for sending down angels to care for me
thank you Lord, for your fresh touch and blessing
thank you Lord.

i love you Lord, because you saved me
i love you Lord, becuase you loved me first
i love you Lord, for everything you've done in my life
i love you Lord.

you are my God, and you picked me up from the miry clay
you are my God, you made me in your image
you are my God, you love me for who i am
you are my God.

faith hope & love. and the greatest of these is love.

thankyou lord for not being calculative with me for my mistakes. thankyou lord for such a great cell leader [if u persevered over msn, i wld haf said]. thank you lord for a word frm a sister, thankyou lord for the countless of blessings you've poured in my life. thankyou lord for such great families.

haha yup. indeed as irwin said. i am mia. haha.. how haf u guys been??? anw.. sch has been alright.. kinda excited for dis week to end. juz finished an assignmen n test today.. 2 more on wednesday. den can party!!!

kinda excited. cuase got a ball coming up. how often do u get a church ball???? once in a blue moon.. yup.. indeed dis yr e blue moon is up. so we're having a ball!!! its called GRACE.. really cant wait for it. all the excitement n hype about it.. pity some ppl r not gg.. but yea.. its gonna b cool man!!! don't think i'm gg to dance. but i'm singing.. n its gonna b cools!!! haha.. actually, the itenary wasnt as grand as i thought it was. but all is good. hehehe..

i'm so tired now that i dunno wad i wld do tmr. as in if i wld wake up in time.. working tmr.. excited.. ok i shld go try my dress now.. shall upload pics aft e ball!!!

i was juz wondering.. if i wanted to copy all of these entries out, how long it wld take me.. anyway, i dunno why, but recently, i have been having the nostalgic feeling. and i hate it. its the kind that makes u miss what you had in the past. and seeing what ppl do makes me wanna b brave n do the same thing too. but i guess i oso realise i can't.. cause people are just different. and i know not to hold hope..

currently in school now.. i realise i actually feel great on wednesdays. cuase i wake up early. hahhaa.. n i actually do stuff.. not like other days. slack all day. hahaha..

movie marathon is coming up.. hehe.. got quite abit to do. though cant compare to wad my boss has to do. hehs.. ball is coming up too.. some how, i dunno how it wld turn out dis rd...

i wanna go back to the place i used to be

sigh.. its been ages since i've blogged. n i realise the previous one was not very nice.. zion food fest and freshies welcome are just over.. hahs zff was great!!! we made 100 bucks. n faith still hasnt given me the money.. *shakes head*.. i realise that ppl in perth dun haf my blog.. n i am happy the way it is.. while talking to a freshie today i realise i havent blogged for ages.. its been like close to a couple of mths since i had a proper entry. oh wells. anw.. yea... zff was great. i wan the pictures stan took. but muz go ask him.. think he too busy le... hehehhe... freshies was great as well.. choir always is. hehe. d song we sang dis rd was... ... amazing. it was juz such a nice song. like even though i am not a freshie, i still love it. hahs. n i coordinated on the freshie on sat. it was a new experience.. sth new.. quite good.. i am coming to love this ministry. actually, my other ones are kinda becoming a drag. i dunno why. i guess cause i am up der, and it is up to me to make it fun. but i kinda like being down here.. oh wells... perseverance..

anw. am so happy dat elaine liked e present i sent back. n speaking of that, i havent called her yet.. suppose to make it a point to call her once a week. hehe. catch up wif her.. but oh well. i needa concentrate alot on my work as well..

school has been ok. i have been too slack.. nv study n all juz like playing ard. cuase i kinda fell sick. n on top of dat, went rock climbing and kinda died. haha.. cause my arms became sore n all. speaking of which, yays i can go swimming on monday. finally. cuase no lab on dat day.. hehe.. oh ya.. n i so need to skip.. exercise!!! hehehe..

o klar. i better sleep. if not tmr cannot wake up to pick the freshies to go for service.. n denstill needa rush back n pick ppl up for creative arts ministry vision day.. its gonna b FUN. hehehe.. michael battersby. amazing. haha..

bad mood.. rarrr.. juz dun understand ppl.. i notice, alot of times u juz brush aside my ideas n opinions.. while i juz listen to yours.. kk i noe its unfair to say so. cuase we listen to each other whine n complain abt other stuff. but still.. why did we fall out over such stuff? think both of us r juz in a terrible mood eh? or mayb cause both our egos r too big. girls..

anw. i seriously dun understand our leaders sometimes.. where did the lead by example go to? where did the theory of "the basic reason we are here is to study" go to? i seriously am having a hard time submitting to them. esp those who are setting the very basic bad examples. u think abt it. if frm beginning of e sem, u think u will fail n wanna take a yr off. wad u think ur results will b? duh. fail. duh take a sem off.. n i honestly think if one does badly, he/she shld go think why it happened. n go cut down on all other stuff to make sure u pass. not go on n juz think u doing well in your ministries will "make up" for your studies. cuase it will stumble ppl. like how it has affected me. much as i try to not b affected, i still cant believe it is happening. don't u feel bad abt wasting money, about setting a bad eg? gosh.

actually, i am very thankful for my cell leader dis sem. finally, one dat i think i can learn frm, one dat i think is actually doing his best and knows his limits. i really thank God for dis cell leader. cause i realise its been 3 sems since e last cgl dat i had dat really set a fantastic eg.

dear God, please guide me in my walk with you and my studies and help me to do my best and rely on you. to learn my limits, and to learn how to set a good eg for those under me. and most importantly, help me to guard my heart frm all the negative stuff around, and help me not to judge. amen.

omg.. its been ages since i blogged.. kinda like.. 1 mth?? haha.. yea.. its been a full month of roller coasters.. one good thing is that my housemate has moved out.. dat is simply amazing.. though it did create quite a bit of problems. cuase she din pay rent, or foot the electricity bills.. so.. gave me alot of problems lar.. but glad alls over.. n on top of that, someone "broke" into my hse. took away my canto shows n my tennis racket.. sighs.. ie.. no more shows for me.. lalalla.. so sad lar.. n the person tried ot be funny n left 2 green apples.. we suspect is lydia lar. cuase seh is e only one who had excess to my hse keys. anyhow, changed the lock. so alls good..

another highlight is that i went up north!!! *grins* it was ok.. fun part is wad we did.. SNORKLING!!! hahaha.. it was really great lar... like i seirously love snorkling. but the girls all kinda din do... oh wells. how to miss it out? so i juz went lor.. and we saw a HUGE queensland groupa.. how ever u spell it. but it was really huge.. off hand cant rmb its name.. but it was 250kg.. imagine the size.. i got SHOCK when i saw it.. kinda went to "hide" behind max who went out wif me to see.. overall the trip was good.. but i feel that frm dis trip, i learn alot of things. infact, frm dis sem, i really learnt alot of how to say no.. yea.. n dats good. cuase eunice cant say no.. hahs..

parents came over abt a week ago.. dey r leaving tmr.. gonna miss em so... hahs.. like so many times i get upset wif em.. or dun like things dey do, but i noe dat wad dey do are the best for me!!! aww. haha.. touched rite.. hahs.. dey haf really done so much for me. den daddy was saying how difficult it is to work n all.. feel so bad. muz graduate soon...

orientation dis sem was fun.. so fun to help ppl n all.. den meet parents, talk to freshies.. so fun.. i shall update more abt that soon. hahs.. ok lar. i better leave le.. parents coming over in 5 hrs.. last bit of time to spend wif em.. yawns..

what on earth is your problem.. ignoring my calls ever since sunday.. what the.. eunice is not happy.. why on earth do such people do such things. very fun isit? i dun haf dat much time to hunt you down.. so much for being thoughtful and wanting to inform u. sheesh!

kk.. after all that ranting, i'm slightly better. hehs.. anw.. really wanna thank God for providing.. for providing me with a new housemate!!! shes the sister of a former church member, but ends up, we have alot of frens in common. from ppl frm scgs, to ppl frm tution, redcross members, and even primary school friends. yea. kinda excited about this.. gotta do up the house first though.. lalalalala...

i think i know my "vision" for the next sem. it suddenly occured to me that cell leading aint that important. even though i felt the tug to tell them that i take back my words about not doing it, but i suddenly had an "inspiration". kinda got it from reading <>. the main verse was Haggai 1:9-11. and it really showed me that all the stuff that you build is really not important. it really isn't. but what is, is God's priorities. and what i see currently, is people. for those who are not being showered with attention from the few prominent leaders. there are more than enough leaders showering those who can blend in or who are making improvements with abundance of attention. but how about the rest? is it just a once or twice a week of catching up and fellowshipping? or is it really i want to be friends with you? anyway, yea.. the next paragraph says

"Sometimes God has to stir up the spirit of one man to initiate needed change. Zerubbabel was that man. Scriptures say, "The Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel" (Hag. 1:14). God is stirring up the spirit of a remnant of workplace believers throughout the world today. They are seeing what breaks God's heart, and they're responding. Has God placed the spirit of Zerubbabel in you? Are you one who will make a difference for the Kingdom, or are you concerned about building bigger and better barns? The Lord is calling forth His people in these last days to make a difference. Ask Him what He wants to do through you."

and i guess, i suddenly had this inspiration to be the one who brings people back? to connect with those people, and build genuine relationships with them... honestly, this seems like a really tough task. but i have done it once, and with God's strength, i can do it again and again. if this is what He wants me to do, He will guide me through it.. anw. juz though i had better pen it down. before i forget it. amazing huh. how devotions can make a difference.

just a side note, something in noticed. like what i said above. like those who are showing improvements are showered with loads of attention. they will be the top priority in the leaders minds. be it who to catch up with, or has she finished exams etc etc.. least that is what i see lar. and i guess i have experienced it b4.. and surprisingly, it has not affected me. infact, i think its more important to think of how to help others as well.. i think its not such a big problem as i put it as. but it is something that can be improved.. and something that i feel "called" to do. so oh well.. we shall see how God leads from here.

your name is a strength to me
a rock on which i stand
a name so faithful and true
Lord you are the reason for my living
you will always be my King

seems like this period is a bad period for everyone.. one of my fren's greatgrandma juz passed away, one of my fren juz lost a gate key and as a result her brother was very upset. hmm.. wads gg wrong???

anw.. as for me, yesterday was a bad day. everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. the bus was 10 minutes late. thus i was 5 min late for work. then it was work. i made so many mistakes. take wrong order, couldnt catch order, put wrong item, missed out items. gosh. it was terrible. den, i left early to take the bus.. bought boost on the way. din have enough money. good thing the guy was nice n rounded it down to 5 bucks. just wad i had.. den aft dat i went to catch the bus. only to find out that they chaged the bus stop.. and thus i had to "run" to the bus port.. reached der on the dot. was so worried i was late.. den, the bus came like 10 min late.. gosh. wanna die.. even worse.. i din haf any cash on me. bleah. how bad can dat get rite.. the guy wanted me to get off the bus.. good thing i pleaded wif him. got on.. everything else frm der to my hme went alright.. den when i left the hse, i headed for broadway. half way through, ppl started calling me. gosh. anw. yea.. so i stopped to listen lar. n aft i stopped n headed on again, my cup of boost which was in my hand carry bag broke! my notebook, pen, etc etc were soaked in boost. how terrible can it get rite?? sigh.. anw.. yea. so no choice lor.. stood by the roadside to clear everything for like 15 min. den headed to broadway to clean up. dat one not dat bad lar.. but aft dat, when i went to get cash out, dey said my bank got no money!!! argh. sigh. anw.. yea.. dunno wads wrong le. but anw. things are better now i think..

oh. n talked to crystal. realise alot of probs.. like though i looked ok, but aft dat, when i came back n rant all to faith, its obviously i was like indignant abt things. bleah..

hmm. i just kinda listened to a talk between josh stan n let.. and i kinda joined in abit.. it was interesting.. like i really never knew guys opinions.. like honestly. and they say dey actually dun mind girls taking the first step, doing more stuff for em, expressing their interest.. etc etc etc.. very interesting topic. and like i kinda agree with alot of things that josh said. like how he doesn't want to break the friendship and all.. hahs. nv knew he thought so much.. stan on the other hand is a just whack kind.. interesting how the 2 opinions differ so much.. kinda changes my opinion of them as well.. but yea.. now that i haf a new knowledge of stuff.. lalalalala.. haha. kk dat last part was random. but yea. it was very interesting.. and its very nice to know that nowadays, guys DO consider stuff b4 actually rushing into it. yea.. i wld think such things are getting lesser le.. no? hahaha..

i also realise today that there is always a barrier to friendships.. maybe it is just this one? hahaha.. or maybe its just my problem as i said.. maybe, again like i analysed, girls prefer guys to share stuff n all.. aint it true? hahahah... i rest my case.

anyway, today's paper was alright. not excellent, not bad.. tmr's one had better be good.. its freaking 40%.. dunno how long more i shld study for. prob abit more.. den wake up ard 9 plus tmr insteadof 8... 6 hrs of sleep is all i get during exam periods man.. hahs..

i realise. i get emotionally attached to a person when i am close to the person.. be it boy or girl.. super sian.. i shld think less.. and guard my heart more. *so to speak* to think that i juz talked to eleanor abt it. hahs..

"I think I mentioned on my blog before that one of my greatest fears is disappointment. And of course, I've learned that the reason why I'm easily disappointed is because of my high expectations on people. They say the way to go around this is really... not to expect too much from other people.. Then it made me think, have I really been expecting too much... and are my expectations so negative or unrealistic? Am I really that bad a person, always expecting people to be perfect when I'm not? Have I been expecting people to not make mistakes when I'm making mistakes everyday? I really asked myself several questions. I dont think I always tell people what to do, and I don't think I've ever set high expectations for people to follow (apart from things like artwork and cleanliness)... but one thing I know and can never deny, my countenance always gives it away... People can always tell from my facial expression whether I'm happy or upset. And perhaps I come across as someone whose expectations other people have to live up to. They say my reaction says it all. Otherwise I wouldnt react like that, and otherwise I wouldn't make judgements. Sometimes I really wonder how I should react..or if people really understand how I'm feeling inside. I'm really not good at hiding that. Also, in the first place, is disappointment a legitimate feeling?"

i took the above frm nikki's blog.. seems to kinda relate to me..

sometimes you need to be selfish to prevent from being hurt.

such a stumbling statement. why on earth did it put it up? anw. yea.. i shall leave it here.. it shld b safe..

oh n i think i figured out the problem to the previous post.. maybe its called confidence in yourself? like when A is down, B would think what has B done that could have affected A, but when B is down, A would think maybe A is stress or something. maybe like wad mavis said. "not everything is about you". but then again, if you think twice, what if it is really about you, and you would never know about it but end up hurting the person even more. hmm.. complicated issue eh.. heheh.

euncie is not happy..

i guess i need to reevaluate what i wld term as friends, what i expect out of them and all.. kinda sian when you think like someone is one of your closest fren and u give it all u can but get nth in return.. i guess thats why dey say it takes both side to keep things going.. both in bgr n friendships..

maybe i am juz too nice..

maybe i shouldnt place all "hope" on one person. incase the person fails you. why havent i learnt my lesson? hahaha

i notice. u hafta b of a certain kind of character to get along with the uwa ppl.. if not, u will have to try very hard. like me. i miss murdoch.

i'm sore.

i should judge less.

i think i am getting tired.

i need to change my source of strength.

oh.. dat was the 500th post.. wasted on u. sians. hahahah. anw.. i dunno why, suddenly super stressed over the up coming exams. i so wanna do well man.. lalalalala.. stressed!!!

"I guess the hardest things that you love most about a person are the very things that you find yourself unable to describe when you need to the most." -you-

doesn't that sound familiar?

is it that nice to ignore me? sobs. sometimes, i wish i could sit down and have a long talk with you and really understand your pov.. sometimes its just so dificult to understand you. i really wish we could sit down and have a heart to heart talk. i have a feeling that it can go on for days.. when will this stop?

i don't understand people. in fact, i find people very difficult to understand. thats why, i try to always be on my best behaviour. though it is difficult, i try. and i also try to not let oher people affect me.. oh well.. dat was some very random stuff. oh. n i really rather meet up with other people than wif some other people..

anw.. this week had been not bad.. nth much though.. work was great as usual.. it always is.. but i thinking of taking a break soon.. i so need one man..

prob the only interesting thing is on thurs.. i went to curtin to study.. but end up having lunch wif usha n marcus.. den weiyue came, yanpin came, andrew came and went.. yea. end up gg library wif usha but she only stayed awhile.. anyhow, it was good lar. den went for prayer meeting. oh yes.. a highlight.. hahs.. it was really good. like all 3 dat i went for b4.. so i decided to go on thurs as well.. it was really good lar...

i got sent back.. rather was made to.. she literally pulled me into her car. argh!!! i shld haf been faster to run into yanjing's car.. anw. yea. end up we went for dinner instead.. something different. like i NEVER. end up with like curtin ppl.. but it was great. like something different.. and i enjoyed it lar.. anw. ya. had dinner wif lynn n weiyue.. and den kevin came to pick me.. we went for meeting.. lalala.. sigh. so sad lar.. someone leaving us.. looks like we are really lack of guys. max left, garry left, edi left, nic left, now anothe guy is leaving. sigh sigh sigh..

got 2 grps of ppl planning to go down south during e hols.. if the other grp remembers me, i wld like to go down. though it'll b something really new.. the other grp, i hafta do the planning.. lets see if i haf e energy lar k? hehehe..

daddy n mummy wanna come over. but somehow, i dun wan. i feel that i am so comfortable here. i noe its bad. but oh well.. and i somehow feel the need to get a car now. arghs.. cannot stand it. keep troubling people.. how long will it take me to save up?? i dunno man.. lalala. oh well..

i havent been blogging much.. oh well.. like yea.. guess cause my main google page is using my other email. so i kinda sian to use dis email..

kinda sick now. actually, i AM sick.. nose, throat, aiya.. everything!!!kinda sian.. cause its such a torture... especially the nose part.. sians...

i dun like u. really..

He Never Sleeps

our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful

He never sleeps
He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
when we are weak
He becomes stronger
so rest in His arms
and cast all of your cares upon Him

i am tired. tired of people, tired of you.

life currently being made difficult by someone. but i shall not crumble under it. instead, i shall stand strong! kinda worried now.. but yea. God will provide...

in library with letitia now. i need sleep. later.

oh my goodness. this is highly AMUSING... hehe.. anw. yea. i juz found out dat der is a gAl dat liked a guy like 3 yrs ago. i think till now lar. den rite. now she is taking action *dats weird enough* and then, as i looked out of my window... i saw a car driving pass.. its the guys car. and den, i see the gal step out of it.. HAHAHAHAHA.. woohoo.. secret dating eh...

anw.. life has been good.. besdies for the fact of not being able to stand ppl who like wan attention from every big shot available.. yea. its good. hehs.. school has been ok. though i am starting to realise i have alot of work to catch up on..

i realise sth. even though dey say dat first impressions are the most important, but i realise that how you carry yourself after taht is the most important. the first impression may b the best, but after that, the impression others have of you can like be destroyed completely...

work has been great. my boss is really good man... he is amazing. hehs. yea. really enjoyed like work and being under him. though i think i shld lessen my work load. like just stick to 7.5 hours.. yupyup..

kk.. needa go study. mayb take a short nap den go study le..

i judge people too easily. well. i guess its just me. and somehow, i dun wanna change it. least the currently mindset, i know its bad and i shld change, but the thought of like being nice to a person dat i noe is not nice, is really not nice. like i dun like that thought.. maybe its the singaporean syndrome that i told letitia abt.. like how we are all so critical and think too much.. i'm trying to change!!

someone came up to me today and said.. "eunice, ask you ar.. are you ok?" *DIAO* like would i tell you i am not ok? hahaha. anw. it followed on.. "someone told me you look kind of... ... ... ...traumatised" *RIGHT* and it got even funnier "is it your ministry?" *nopes* "your school work?" *nopes* "uwa zone?" *er.. nopes* hahahha.. out of the 3 nopes, i dunno which is true. but what i know, is nowadays i seem wiser.. *is that good?* study abit more, dun fellowship as much.. oh well.. u noe sth? even if i had a problem, wld i tell u? hahaha... NO!

anw.. besides for such random things happening, i started work yesterday at subway!!!! it was great man! love the job.. n its fun summore.. mayb cause let oso working der? hahah.. den like yesterday was get to know you day.. today was the can play about wif letitia day. heheh.. yea.. i really enjoyed myself. n summore i haf a great boss.. super nice. like today he was saying, first most impt is God, den church, den studies, den work.. so like he understands if got other commitments. omg. where to get such boss man.. woohoo.. love it der man.. yea. it was a great day. i am super happy. hhehe.. anyone wan free sub? every wed got 1 6 inch one. cause i dun eat 2. i usually only need 1. haha.. faith. u got yours today. heheheh..

anw. today, after the lunch peak, while elle n me were serving the last few customers, let n justin*the boss* were talking lar.. den when i turned around, he said "hi eunice!" and i was like.. ok.. "yes?" and like he was like "nothing!! tish will tell u." only like after work, den i realise he was saying dat my smile never seem to fade.. like i seem to be always smiling. like he observe me for super long le. and i nv stop smiling. hehehe.. its nice to know.. cause i din noe dat.. n yea.. he is super nice.. so many things he did. but k lar i got no time to write. anw. now i got a new name. smily or smiling girl or sth. hehe... kinda nice to know that..

den again, i realise when i see my zone, the smile more or less disappears.. why?

i realise, i judge ppl alot. especially those ppl who have left a bad impression with me, its gonna b very hard to get anywhere near my good books.. n dats bad.. haha. den again, it is quite difficult to get into my really really really bad books. cause i usually just let things go.. maybe its just you guys. hahs..

anyway, the past few days have been great. on thursday night, had a very last minute dinner call frm pia.. like meet up wif the service coordinators.. quite funny dis grp of ppl. we had pizzas. that were yummy!!! haha.. too bad i not dat close to dis grp yet. so havent started my trigger happiness yet. hehe. but yea. it was good.. oh yes. it was jack kong max pia fang tyng n me!!! hehe.. den aft dat, pia just had to have desert.. she has such a sweet tooth.. haha. anw. yea. so we went to some desert. n it was fantastic. hehe.. green tea icecream with red bean. mmmmmmm... delicious. hahah...

cell was ok.. nth fantastic. but sarah's bday party was good.. ppl went clubbing. macham some cell outing. terrible lar. anw. yea. i really think this cell is very trying.. elizabetH!!! where are u!!! kk she prob wont read this. but yea. she was such an inspiration n motivation. kk not dat der isnt any now.. ofcourse the main one is God. hehe.. service was ok. once again, i miss nic n janice.. sigh. i noe i shldnt like dwell in the past n all, but those thoughts of how well we did, i cant help but think.. i din think it was fantastic. i felt like i was slacking for one. and i din feel that it went in any particular way well.. but oh well..

oh service on sunday was amazingly good though. michael battersby came. n dat was e highlight. haha.. ywa. it was good.. his sermon, his playing of the piano, etc. he is good lar.. thorougly enjoyed myself. glad that i decided to go.. nearly didn't.. photos will go up soon.. have taken quite abit

Everlasting - michael battersby

the power of your word
the everlasting hope i've found in you
saturate me now

the comfort of your love
the wonder of your presence in my life
saturate me now

show me your glory
teach me your ways almightly God
establish your word and i will
soar with you above the storm

everlasting, ever faithful God
ever watching over me
everlasting, ever faithful God
ever watching over me

i seem to keep forgetting to blog. kinda weird. but anw.. yea.. it was anzac day yesterday.. and i am suppose to do alot of things which i havent done.. argh!!!! hahaha... lets see.. tuesday nite was.. not bad.. went for cell dinner.. indo food. was great!!.. combined wif bijia's cell.. aft dat we went to watch movie.. it was ok.. as in the movie. but den... i somehow enjoyed myself alot.. i guess its cause its with (you) all.. i really really really enjoyed myself..

my dear cell leader wif jon who tried to duck(unsuccessful)

went to matbay yesterday to study wif letitia.. it was fun... the scenary was fantastic.. really.. shall put a picture up.. but yea. it was great. met pastor patrick der wif renee, christine and johnny.. (the last 3 are kids) yea. he came in richard simson's yatch. so cool rite. hahaha.. anw.. yea.. aft dat dorcas had discipleship.. and den aft dat, i had discipleship. now dorcas is in my discipleship too! yea.. aft dat was dinner!!! hehe.. dat eufei. dun wanna come out for dinner.. haha. but anw. yea.. went out wif crystal dorcas jamie howboon and jack.. like so random. felt too young to b der. HAHAHAHA.. anw.. yea.. it was an INTERESTING dinner.. lalala... aft dat went hme to bake.. cookies/muffins for anyone???

beautiful view of matilda bay (",)

letitia studying(not)

canoe polo (shaun.. u shld come try)

i think i noe why that paranoid feeling le.. cause i lost my wallet. dunno where it is.. bought bbt. so cant b der.. where else can it b?? sigh.. not in nancy's car either.. so.. i prob dropped it around the area.. argh.. how how how.. hate this..

hmmm... i dunno why, but i have this paranoid feeling about being a service coordinator.. its like.. i dunno why, but i feel like i am letting mavis down.. when i said yes, i had that peace of mind.. but suddenly, i don't.. i dunno why.. its weird..

been hanging out quite abit wif ppl like mishi mari josh abel these few days. actually, its juz like thurs nite n today.. but den again, i dun really see em.. so dats why its counted alot..

on thurs, went to city to meet huibing for dinner.. smartly forgot to bring her clothes.. we went to kim chi house for korean steamboat. i am sure she enjoyed it.. hehe.. den aft dat headed for timezone.. met michelle and melissa zheng with their paretns der.. the younger one chagned abit.. least the older one looks e same. hehs.. yea. and i rushed for my bus.. missed it by 1 min. had to wait der for 30min.. sads sads.. but yea.. headed for library to meet let.. den we walked to get my bike.. and in the process, dropped by mari's place. dey were playing citadels.. and yea. its a nice game. serious. those in singapore can go try buy that game. there are so many games that i wanna buy cause dey r simply so nice to play. hehs. oh.. got afew more.. like cranium is not bad as well.. so is blokus and sequence.. dunno since when i like such stuff. but its better than watching dramas eh. dun u agree?? haha..

friday cell was ok. i took a walk to ning's place frm mine. a good 40 min walk. but it was good. hehs.. really enjoyed it. went for bbt cause lydia went.. glad she gets along easily wif some ppl.. yea... hope she comes again. hehs..

wind surfing today was not bad.. dropped in twice only. den again, it was super calm.. got extra 2 hrs nxt week.. lalala... den went to city to get subway and meet letitia.. boss ask if wan i can work.. lala. shld i? hahahha.. kk i shld.. hehe.. den aft dat service.. i am so not used to stuff.. sigh. i dunno why.. anw.. aft service, had some meeting.. yea. its aft e meeting that i got all worried and paranoid. dunno why.. but i think its juz me. went to uncle billy's for dinner. not bad.. cheap for a dinner. den aft dat bought bbt and headed back!! hehe. talked to ryn's mum abit and den headed off to play citadels.. nice nice.. n aft dat played abit of taboo *nice game oso but quite old* yea.. and here i am..

work soon. quite excited. lalala..

this is super funny. i am stuck to it now.. first was mishi mari josh dey all.. sigh...

ironic eh. how i juz got internet at hme, but i dun blog at hme. i end up blogging in sch. anw.. i muz really thank mavis. cause now each time problems arise or i get worried, i think of wad she said.. makes sense eh.. but i guess the only problem now is that she is going ahead advertising for the place w/o telling me.. and when i ask her she says "no harm trying" like right... no harm.. u told me to go find and u go advertise. and even worse. put my number down w/o telling me.. like hello!! i wasnt expecting random phonecalls/sms.. sigh.. i really dunno wad to do wfi her.. best is to settle money first. den all will b better. hehs..

i realise i got alot of work to catch up on.. dis is terrible lar... needa study more and play and watch show less.. lalala...

i needa a job too!!! need to get a job to earn some extra cash.. lalala...

and i needa call home soon man.. sighs.. so many things to do.. kk i shall go off. needa prepare for a quiz later. chaoz.

argh. i hope eufei didnt remember this.. sigh. if you actually visit dis eufei, pls tag...

anw.. these few days have been up and down. especially during cell and service.. like it seems like what has affected me has kinda affected me on a whole.. kinda bad cuase i juz dun see a point to talk to some of my cell members. infact, i practically ignore them except when i have to work wif em.. silly me.. and now its kinda difficult to start talking. i am just to comfortable ignoring.. i think i better sms an sms of apology soon.. lalala...

wad mavis said made sense.. i guess.. she made it sound easy.. but.. i guess.. i am more emotional than her so its kinda different.. but i guess.. have to try and do it lar... i hope i can lar.. thanks mummy.. hehe.. made alot of sense.. and really sound like a mother.. hehs.. like advice that ppl give are all.. yes. good, but.. still.. hahs. thanks thanks thanks!!!!

i havent had that feeling since 2004... i rmb the last time i actually admitted it was a tiring session of 4 hours wif someone.. yeap.. and its back.. oh well.. i really shld concentrate on my studies. cause its tiring.. lalala..

God's will.

roller coaster.. i dunno why its been like this.. the moment i see you, i get scared. like i rather see your slippers at the door.. meaning you're out. i am so tired of it. i dunno why your existence can cause such emotional trauma.. it doesnt make sense eh..

maybe when one thing bothers you, everything starts to bother you as well. cause everything has been starting to bother me.. i think i think too much.. infact, i think my cgl cg helper and newest core member are all against me or have sth against me.. i somehow feel the difference for the first and the third. and the second. i juz dun see anything to talk to her about.. i guess thats how people work yea? like getting to know them based on your mood.. you think one has potential den u invest more time in the person and as a result neglect the rest. you dont involve your interns n helpers regarding investing in their lives. what on earth is this? i guess thats why i choose to ignore things. to not care. life was never that tough. oh well. why?

maybe you are just another one of those people. who easily get close to ppl.. another one eh..

i thought i would just voice out my view.. well... maybe i was over persistent.. maybe i should not have said anything.. oh well.. i am starting to just show attitude to people as well.. actually, i just dont want to smile or be nice or anything.. i sometimes dont want to care. maybe its just that i have been too long with you. yes. i notice it. once a person is with you for long, you will just assume she will know what to do and all?? i guess thats why i wish i had a new cgl and i guess thats why i wish i was placed with the other half of my previous cell..

and you want to move out? sigh. alright. if you say.. kinda mafan, kinda a headache to settle but if makes you happy.. as long as you dont show me attitude and dont make my life difficult. thats all i ask for.

.

What happens when you have a cell member that desperately wants cell at her place even if the location is not realistic and a cell leader that wants to give in to them all the way?? You have cell group held at the other end of the world and members who are unwilling to invite visitors. Hrmph. Cannot take it.. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And what happens when you have 6 people who refuses to leave, and one of them wants the rest to leave and wants you to chase the rest away and only allow herself to stay?? And you know that the other 5 is must stay because it is one stay all stay.. I oso c annot take it… super irritating sia.. wanna kill ppl le.. rarrrr!!!!!

now now... my wonderful cell leader.. hahhaha.. i really got no comments.. but yea.. its quite a funny picture. i never really intended for it to go up. it was by accident that i uploaded this picture. but all is good. heh.. the picture that i intended for is the one below... its not to full cell.. lishya and mahdri are missing, but yea.. we'll get them next round..
quite sad isn't it? hehe.. jon is the only guy. and he looks veyr lost.. hahaha.. i love these pictures. i should upload more.. it seems like that is dorcas's favourite pose eh.. haha.. acting cute!!!!

cell has been pretty fun.. i've been enjoying myself.. a bunch of crazy gals plus a boy who doesnt have a choice to be there or not. hahs..

school... i've been too slack as i see.. got a test and a presentation next week. muz work harder le.. jiayou!!!

how bored were we?? haha dis is wad we did after dinner with the cell on our way to coffee. it was seriously funny. cause we were like paparazzi trying to tkae pictures of jon n dorcas in the car.. i guess this was like the best photo we got.. the rest were.. not very clear. haha.. anw.. yea.. it was a great time.. i really enjoyed myself. this cell is awesome!!! haha... eh... i seem to b behind my sch work n all.. lala.. i should should should start working man... need settle my room!!!! hahah.. anw. back to the cell dinner etc, we really had a great time. like cause wad we did was like play truth or truth with a modified version of indian poker. super funny.. but yea.. it was good.. hehehe.. managed to dig out alot of gossips from people... hahaha...

i like my room. very happy with the arrangement of it.. but i needa do abit more packing b4 i take pictures and post it up here. but i really like the layout.. yups

what do you think about it? it is possible.

this question and reply has kept me thinking for the past day.. but it feels as if i have been thinking about it for the past yr or sth...

indeed, it is a long term commitment.. it is something that i won't mind doing, seriously.

so many commitments. will i be able to handle?

planning time wise, it seems ok.

but will i be too tired?

den again, like what he said, i would have to learn to be ministered to while working..

why did my name even pop out of his mouth? why was i put in the same cell???

too many coincidence that i cant believe it.

i stand with arms wide and heart abandoned
in awe of the one who gave it all

irwin.. no lor. dun b mean.. did u noe dat der was once i saw a lizard in my room and i had a terrible nightmare??

so much going on this week.. hmmm... had leaders meeting on monday.. dunno why i was der.. tuesday met up wif david josh sharan let and sarah for gelare!!! woohoo!!haha.. had a great time.. went to ikea yesterday.. it was.. ok lar.. i realise that taking a cab home is cheaper than tkaing bus and getting them to deliver it. ofcourse cant compare to like your own car lar.. hahhaha

dorcas convo tonight. lallala. gg to buy stuff for her..

cell tmr... dunno how it will go.. lalala..

I’m really lost for words.. like. I really dun wanna do stuff.. but then you have the ability to make me feel guilty and for me to do it in the end.. its been going on for 2 sems le…. I dunno if it is good or if it is bad.. I dunno if it is right or it is wrong.. but I really feel that when I have reached a point of tired of saying yes, and when I put my foot down and say no, it really means no. like the only time you actually realize that I really mean it is when I don’t care. And that is really bad.. I am sure you do not want to see it happen for important things like cell leading. Honestly, can’t you guys just listen and accept?

In all my ministries, yes, some of them maybe time consuming, but nothing is as tiring, as worrying, as headache as this. In fact, each time after choir, I feel refreshed. I love choir and singing to bits. Each time after ushering, I feel really happy.. like yea. I really do.. but yet, this ministry is the one that makes me tired, makes me dry, makes me frustrated etc..

Yes, it also makes me rely on God more, but so does my other ministires..

I remembered what Derrel said to Kevin n me.. he told us that God did not need us to serve. In fact, none of the ministries NEED us.. we are not all that important.. what is important is our choice and our decision. In where we want to serve God.. in where we find joy in.. in where we feel God’s calling.. den again, no one is going to tell you that they do not need people. They will always need people.. it is for us to put our feet down and say.. yes or no, we want or do not want to do it..

I am so tempted to tell the ic that I wanted to from the beginning learn from another cgl.. not that the present one is not good, but I feel that under another person, you learn more and you learn different things.

Today, I once again realize how much I miss the pink peacock and sir in the orange attire.. likei really do..

Anw. Irwin, snails are so NOT cute.. dun like you. Bleah.

hmm.. i have a feeling uwa zone ppl actually reads this. super SIAN. haha. like why dey dun dare to juz tag or sth.. weird. nvm nvm... lalalala... in hmes 1103 exercise and health science lecture now... looking at weird pictures. lalala..

mavis was so sweet last night. called n asked if i needed anything.. mayb she was juz asking her fren sell it. but it was still pretty sweet. lalala...

dunno if i shld b excited or not.. but oh well...

love ushering and choir.. lalala.. cant wait for next prac to start.. lalala...

hmm.. i have a feeling uwa zone ppl actually reads this. super SIAN. haha. like why dey dun dare to juz tag or sth.. weird. nvm nvm... lalalala... in hmes 1103 exercise and health science lecture now... looking at weird pictures. lalala..

mavis was so sweet last night. called n asked if i needed anything.. mayb she was juz asking her fren sell it. but it was still pretty sweet. lalala...

dunno if i shld b excited or not.. but oh well...

love ushering and choir.. lalala.. cant wait for next prac to start.. lalala...

hmm.. i dunno to b excited or not. but really, i dunno to b excited or not. sigh.. cell has been... ok.. not too bad. but like i find it weird. but den it seems to b really good for the members especially.. sigh.. like i wanna try to take "ownership" but den one of you don't bother involving the cell, one of you don't bother updating us.. i really dunno wad you guys are expecting.. sigh... like if you wanna involve ppl, do it all the way. dun like half way half way kinda thing. what i hate is half way things. bleah..

went for iwt on thursday.. it was not bad lar. quite cool.. enjoyed myself. like you actualy get to meet new people and all.. yea.. i really really enjoyed myself. learnt alot as well.. hehs..

school has been ok.. kinda busy.. got stuff to do. and alot of exercise. muscles dying. hahhaha..

went for wind surfing on saturday. muscles dying as well.. sprained it... lalalalala...

am at eufei's place.. lalalla

housemates are a killer.. least one is. sigh...

i feel like running away... argh!!! hahahha...

sometimes, when i look back, i somehow think that i actually regretted coming over to australia.. rather, the thought of "what would i be doing now" if i din go to australia but continued to study in singapore...

i miss you..

anw.. met up wif dawn today. surprises eh.. hahaha. now i noe why i should stop disturbing marcus. hehs...

hmm.. was quite pissed off last night.. den again, once u blabber it all out to your fren, it feels much better. thanks faith.. n let.. hehs...

i've been feeling all weird n funny again. dunno why.. sometimes, i juz wonder when would it be my turn...

ok randomness..

i cant wait for tmr. iwt!! but terrance isnt replying me.. lalala *excited*

One More Time

Lord i saw your face last night

when i looked in the sky

you were smiling

you told me it would be ok

and you'd make a way

in my dark times

everytime i hear your voice

everytime i feel your touch

makes me know that i can face tomorrow

one more time

when all my friends go away

i'd be glad to say

you're still near me

even when the wind blows by

i feel warm inside

you're so lovely

chorus

i need you, don't leave me

without you i can't survive

chorus

and i know that i can face tomorrow

cause you've walked me through my pain and sorrow

makes me know that i can face tomorrow

one more time

woohoo!!! freshies is over!!! den again, i miss choir practices. i guess thats why i wont quit choir? hahha.. like.. i really really enjoy choir practices.. yea. so there it goes.. cant wait for easter performance. heh. *excited* heh.. oh.. i conducted for uwa service. like usha ask me to conduct cause she got work.. but yea. in e end she din go to work cause she is sick... and she came for service.. but i still conducted. it was a very interesting experience. like i was really really really scared and my heart was beating like terribly fast. but den, like once we started, i sort of calmed down. like got alot of tips frm ppl n all. really thankful to all of em. like i dunno if i ever will conduct again. cause if i were usha, i wld never ask me again, but i muz say.. its not dat scary now. heh.. like really thanks to cath for praying for me.. n to jimmy usha n kong for advices. hehs.. even fake confidence is good eh?? hehehe... i was so scared dat during service, i kept praying that God wld juz use me, and like u noe, i wld b an instrument for Him and not like throw His face kinda thing. and the amazing thing is, IT WAS OK!!! hahaha.. yea. like alot of ppl tell me dat it was quite good. ivy though i was sha.. but i bet she was trying ot make me less kancheong, some choir members told me i was more firm and all.. which was goood.. not that scared n all.. hehe.. praise the Lord!!!

labs and tutes are starting.. dunno to b excited or wad. anw. i shall go off le lar.. update more later.. oh yes.. if anyone frm ympact is reading this, tell shane that as soon as i get my internet, i will upload freshies welcome (its a bi-annual event) dance for him to see.. yupyup.. chaoz.

yays. i juz got my new place!!!! hehehe.. its nice. juz dat kinda expensive.. at weijun's place slacking now.. had dinner den enjoying the cool air.. school starts tomorrow... so bored man..

the new year has been so so.. but i am dying cause my house has no electricity, and neither does it have internet!!! my neighbours are nice. enjoying the time here.. cause u noe.. staying out is a whole new thing..

needa go hme n bathe!!! hehehe... n start packing. think lydia cant stand the messy living room where all my stuff are.. cant wait to start cooking and all lalalalala...

happy cny to everyone!!! hahaha. i am currently using josh's com again..think dorcas n me freeload off em too often le.. been really tired for thepast few days. got loads of work and oreintation stuff to do. currntly still homeless though. hehs.. its cny. and guess where our cny dinner was... ... at myers street. and its dominos.. gosh. dunno wad possessed me to choose dis over such good meals at home.. grandma's cooking.. mmmm.. hahhaha..

had reunion dinner over at crystal's yesterday.. wif howboon karen yeemei yanjing chinseng fangtyng joshtoh stan max dorcas angeline bijia.. yada yada yada.. datw as a very random group, but i had fun. had great food too!!! hehehehe... enjoyed myself loads man... there is this new game called cranium that max bought. you guys should go find the singapore version if possible. is really really great. hehehe..

sometimes, i just dun undestand ppl.. mayb i try too hard trying to understand them.. and i really dunno how dey can b so irresponsible, or how ppl tolerate such ppl who are irresponsible and yet not say anything.. mayb your parents never taught you punctuality? sigh.

the guys are watching my super ex-girlfriend.. watched it b4 cause elaine reccommended it. bored. hahahha..

i've really got no confidence.. no confidence.. like.. i really dun wanna lead. whats the point in me leading if i haf no confidence. honestly.. sigh.. why? i am not as capable as you guys think i am. neither am i as strong as you think i am.. can i not do it pls??

hmmm.. currently in myers street.. using francis's com. wanted to do my timetabling. but den realise that its only like up nxt week. so looks like nxt week it is. hehs. means come to myers street for nth. lalala... i very sian at hme. no tv to watch.. and nth to do.. feel quite bad though. keep coming over to use der internet. lallala.. hehs. okok i shld b off to do other stuff..

I really dun understand. Where are there some people who do no do as they preach. They do things for their own benefit. They plan things according to what they wan. Dey dun care wad other people wan. Sigh.

As time goes, bit by bit u see more and more of the real side of people. You start to realize they are not that perfect. And then you think back and realize that you’re not that perfect as well.. but then again, you just cant understand what some people think and do…

I am so tempted to confront.. but yet again, I wld rather not.. like just forget whatever it is and concentrate on your own stuff.. cause if not.. life is gg to b tough.. maybe its better to be blind to what this world is and just concentrate on your own job.. maybe that’s what I shall do..

gosh. i really mis the inernet.. hahaa.. no internet for the past few days. but its good tob able to use it here in josh's place. juz dat e amt of typos are crazy..

past few days has been busy looking for houses. some houses are nice. some are not. some are juz plain and run down, some are really nice n i wanna get em.. hehs.. but those dat are nice haf like 20 plus ppl applying to it as well.. argh. God's will God's will. hahs..

been out wif chris n his dad uncle roy for the past few days. dorcas wanna invest in him, but u really can see the potential lar.. so dats good. hehs..

was reading sth dat ruwei sent to me. like abt thanking people for their time. and i realise that like u noe.. alot of ppl haf spent time on me. andi really really got to thank them for their time.. hahs. so many ideas and things to do. dunno if will do or not..

oh well.. i am kinda done in josh's place.. dorcas is watching show wif stan. chris is also watching abit. francis in gym, josh sleeping. gosh. dis hsehold.. hahaha.. jking jking.. i got alo of things to do man.. lalala.. muz find time.. kk i better go.. still got sports tonight. at 9pm. dis is crazy. hahaha..

M dyIts been… 3 days since I have been back in perth. It kinda feels like I haf never left. Den again, its crazy to think so. But I really really am enjoying my stay.. currently staying wif my cell leader. At first, it was quite doubtful at how things would work out, but she has been really nice n all.. yea.. its very enjoyable now, though I am sleeping in e living room wif all der boxes and all, but like I really enjoy like talks wif her. Like it makes sense to me.. mayb its juz like she mothering me, like how she say dat if I stayed wif certain ppl, I wld end up mothering them. And I guess that rules out she n june to move in wif..

The weather down under has been TERRIBLE. It is like a sauna. And u cant wear back the same set of clothes the next day cause u wld haf b sweating in your old set. Hahs.. but yea.. other than the heat, perth has been great.

When I first came back, it was Australia day. Der version of national day. So we went to watch fireworks! Haha. I had some pretty good pictures. Hehe.. nxt time get a better cam, den can get better pics. Hahaha.. no link. Anw. Yea. Really like taking pics. Like random ones… oh yes… loads of freshies too!!! All frm canning college.. college kids. Gosh. Dey r young. Hahhaha.. though not saying that I am not young. As compared to the others.. I realize that like crystal is 8 yrs older than me!!!! Dats amy’s age. But crystal is married. And we are waiting for the kid to come next.. hahahah.. but yea.. staying wif dorcas really like allowed me to see things differently.. u noe.. kinda like the influence theory. Like she influences me. I actually wish I can stay in a hsehold that works bothways.. like peer influence.. haha.. pray!!!

Been looking for a hse. And God will provide!! And needa settle other admin stuff for my change of course. And also, I am taking on 2 “events” for orientation.. kinda excited.. cause dunno wad it wld encompass, but really cant wait to learn from it. Ofcourse, its all for God that I do it..

These few days, like dorcas and uncle roy *one of e freshies dad* have been speaking i wld say life into me. Like wad dey say makes sense, and are really edifying.. and sometimes, though u get worried hearing wad dey say, but u noe its right. And somehow u juz cant deny that its right. Hahas..

Ok lar. Dorcas sleeping le. Cause she got sch tmr morning. As for me, I needa do quite a lot of stuff.. needa go prepare to sleep le.. hehs.. need my sleep!! Have been sleeping late for the past 2 nites *cause dorcas n I were talking away* hahaha..

i suddenly dun really wanna go back to perth. i guess its wad u call blood is thicker than water. dunno why i am getting all emotional again. its like when i first left. and i am actually looking forward to their trip to perth..

suddenly, i feel like the future is bleak. i dunno what to expect in perth.. and yet my parents wont be there to catch me when i fall anymore.. just like God's love that never ceases, i have let them down so many times, but they still love me so much and give me so much, giving me all that i want and ask for..

i really dunno wad to say to them. for all the times that i've been rude, impatient, fierce, stubborn.. i dunno wad i can do to make up for everything. i suddenly want to stay in singapore, find a job and make their life easier.

i love you.

hmm. time to update!!! hahahaha..

sunday was great!! delirious? was great! and wad max said was true. the way chc arranges der worship section was great. like it was not a concert. it was worship. after service, went to changi airport for lunch. wish it was me flying.. had sakae AGAIN.. aft dat it was hme. sent elaine to hostel. helped her wif her organic chem abit. den aft dat helped her move her books etc upstairs n do her bedsheet *pampered little gal. hahah* anw. yea. den i had dinner at nite.. terrible though..

monday was back to work!! hehehe. i love hope kids. dey r juz so cute. if u have me on ya msn, see my display pic. the boy n e gal are so cute!!!! ziqi n aloysius.. like dey r really adorable!!! hahaha.. i love e pri 1s e best. the pri 2 are ok. pri 3-6 are bad.. hahs.. as in i am bias lar. hahs.. der is dis boy called clive. oso very cute. haha.. den aft work, it was dinner wif jess n charlene at kenny rogers. good time catching up wif e 2 of em..

on tuesday, aft work, went to faith's hse for dinner.. it was.. haha. n ocommetns. we had like ba kut teh w/o e taste, black pepper tofu, salted egg squid that was dodgy, and sambal kangkong.. den no rice. well doen faith. haha.. anw. yea. it was wif max weijun faith n evangeline (faith sis) and me lar. yea..

on wed, which is today, aft work, went to meet nish n lydia. watched blood diamond. it was great. hehs. den had pasta mania. *again* hahaha.. nice catching up wif lydia.. lalalla.. kk.. i shall blog again some other time..

i don't understand...

why do people do so much just to get attention. from guys. i have seen too much le. and i am sick of it. really sick of it. sigh. and why does it have to b those close frens ard me??

mayb i just havent been exposed enough. taylors was.. too perfect.. nah it wasnt. but it was good. murZ oso.

people do weird things under the jealousy and out of desperation.

anyway. all that apart, muz really thank God cause my course was confirmed. heehehe.. sports sci here i come!!!

its been a long time since it has happened
or does it happen so often that i dont care anymore?

i still remember in my sec 4 days
the number of calls at night to 2 out of 3 of the ppg
the long talks till like 3 am
the talks correcting my mindset
still i had a phobia

and then i went to perth
things seem good
somehow jon helped, though i dun think he knows
i tried to let things go
i tried to open up to her
it seem to have worked
but one day during cell when i was abt to leave perth
i broke down
i was too scared to see her
i rather not go back

2006
it was not any better
i tried
not working
i still have a phobia of her
excuses excuses excuses

2007
it happened again
have i no respect for her anymore?
but the bible states otherwise

this saga with you has changed me
to become someone so quiet and withdrawn
someone noisy on the outside
and never says out much from the inside
i have changed in terms of friends
i have changed in terms of relationships

i really want this to end
i really wish it could end some way some how

jacko felicia yiying vivien eleanor rachel and kelyn are over.. mostly from elaine's small grp. except for the first 2.. having a faily gathering today.. and elaine decided to invite em over as well.. means i will b even busier.. sigh.. oh well. i am super sian now. i was suppose to blog abt my albany trip, christmas, new year and all the gatherings i have been to, but as u can see, eunice is too busy.. haha more like i dun care or sth.. hahs.. oh well..

have been to cmc for the past 2 sundays. it was good. getting to noe ppl.. pmc is still.. i dunno. funny. as in frm my pov. but i really miss the people.. like the "kids" i mean.. like i was talking to ryn.. ok i mean dexin. like when we come back, we seem older.. like everyone seems to b young. hahs. guess its e age grp we mix wif. all so old *cough cough*.. haha.. dats why u have it as "uncle" max. haha..

there was a day when elaine n i had a long talk. den i really started missing the secondary age group.. i some how juz have the heart from em.. bleah..

okok.. i had better go.. people are gg to b streaming in soon.. its 6..