i think i know my "vision" for the next sem. it suddenly occured to me that cell leading aint that important. even though i felt the tug to tell them that i take back my words about not doing it, but i suddenly had an "inspiration". kinda got it from reading <>. the main verse was Haggai 1:9-11. and it really showed me that all the stuff that you build is really not important. it really isn't. but what is, is God's priorities. and what i see currently, is people. for those who are not being showered with attention from the few prominent leaders. there are more than enough leaders showering those who can blend in or who are making improvements with abundance of attention. but how about the rest? is it just a once or twice a week of catching up and fellowshipping? or is it really i want to be friends with you? anyway, yea.. the next paragraph says

"Sometimes God has to stir up the spirit of one man to initiate needed change. Zerubbabel was that man. Scriptures say, "The Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel" (Hag. 1:14). God is stirring up the spirit of a remnant of workplace believers throughout the world today. They are seeing what breaks God's heart, and they're responding. Has God placed the spirit of Zerubbabel in you? Are you one who will make a difference for the Kingdom, or are you concerned about building bigger and better barns? The Lord is calling forth His people in these last days to make a difference. Ask Him what He wants to do through you."

and i guess, i suddenly had this inspiration to be the one who brings people back? to connect with those people, and build genuine relationships with them... honestly, this seems like a really tough task. but i have done it once, and with God's strength, i can do it again and again. if this is what He wants me to do, He will guide me through it.. anw. juz though i had better pen it down. before i forget it. amazing huh. how devotions can make a difference.

just a side note, something in noticed. like what i said above. like those who are showing improvements are showered with loads of attention. they will be the top priority in the leaders minds. be it who to catch up with, or has she finished exams etc etc.. least that is what i see lar. and i guess i have experienced it b4.. and surprisingly, it has not affected me. infact, i think its more important to think of how to help others as well.. i think its not such a big problem as i put it as. but it is something that can be improved.. and something that i feel "called" to do. so oh well.. we shall see how God leads from here.