gosh. i really mis the inernet.. hahaa.. no internet for the past few days. but its good tob able to use it here in josh's place. juz dat e amt of typos are crazy..

past few days has been busy looking for houses. some houses are nice. some are not. some are juz plain and run down, some are really nice n i wanna get em.. hehs.. but those dat are nice haf like 20 plus ppl applying to it as well.. argh. God's will God's will. hahs..

been out wif chris n his dad uncle roy for the past few days. dorcas wanna invest in him, but u really can see the potential lar.. so dats good. hehs..

was reading sth dat ruwei sent to me. like abt thanking people for their time. and i realise that like u noe.. alot of ppl haf spent time on me. andi really really got to thank them for their time.. hahs. so many ideas and things to do. dunno if will do or not..

oh well.. i am kinda done in josh's place.. dorcas is watching show wif stan. chris is also watching abit. francis in gym, josh sleeping. gosh. dis hsehold.. hahaha.. jking jking.. i got alo of things to do man.. lalala.. muz find time.. kk i better go.. still got sports tonight. at 9pm. dis is crazy. hahaha..

M dyIts been… 3 days since I have been back in perth. It kinda feels like I haf never left. Den again, its crazy to think so. But I really really am enjoying my stay.. currently staying wif my cell leader. At first, it was quite doubtful at how things would work out, but she has been really nice n all.. yea.. its very enjoyable now, though I am sleeping in e living room wif all der boxes and all, but like I really enjoy like talks wif her. Like it makes sense to me.. mayb its juz like she mothering me, like how she say dat if I stayed wif certain ppl, I wld end up mothering them. And I guess that rules out she n june to move in wif..

The weather down under has been TERRIBLE. It is like a sauna. And u cant wear back the same set of clothes the next day cause u wld haf b sweating in your old set. Hahs.. but yea.. other than the heat, perth has been great.

When I first came back, it was Australia day. Der version of national day. So we went to watch fireworks! Haha. I had some pretty good pictures. Hehe.. nxt time get a better cam, den can get better pics. Hahaha.. no link. Anw. Yea. Really like taking pics. Like random ones… oh yes… loads of freshies too!!! All frm canning college.. college kids. Gosh. Dey r young. Hahhaha.. though not saying that I am not young. As compared to the others.. I realize that like crystal is 8 yrs older than me!!!! Dats amy’s age. But crystal is married. And we are waiting for the kid to come next.. hahahah.. but yea.. staying wif dorcas really like allowed me to see things differently.. u noe.. kinda like the influence theory. Like she influences me. I actually wish I can stay in a hsehold that works bothways.. like peer influence.. haha.. pray!!!

Been looking for a hse. And God will provide!! And needa settle other admin stuff for my change of course. And also, I am taking on 2 “events” for orientation.. kinda excited.. cause dunno wad it wld encompass, but really cant wait to learn from it. Ofcourse, its all for God that I do it..

These few days, like dorcas and uncle roy *one of e freshies dad* have been speaking i wld say life into me. Like wad dey say makes sense, and are really edifying.. and sometimes, though u get worried hearing wad dey say, but u noe its right. And somehow u juz cant deny that its right. Hahas..

Ok lar. Dorcas sleeping le. Cause she got sch tmr morning. As for me, I needa do quite a lot of stuff.. needa go prepare to sleep le.. hehs.. need my sleep!! Have been sleeping late for the past 2 nites *cause dorcas n I were talking away* hahaha..

i suddenly dun really wanna go back to perth. i guess its wad u call blood is thicker than water. dunno why i am getting all emotional again. its like when i first left. and i am actually looking forward to their trip to perth..

suddenly, i feel like the future is bleak. i dunno what to expect in perth.. and yet my parents wont be there to catch me when i fall anymore.. just like God's love that never ceases, i have let them down so many times, but they still love me so much and give me so much, giving me all that i want and ask for..

i really dunno wad to say to them. for all the times that i've been rude, impatient, fierce, stubborn.. i dunno wad i can do to make up for everything. i suddenly want to stay in singapore, find a job and make their life easier.

i love you.

hmm. time to update!!! hahahaha..

sunday was great!! delirious? was great! and wad max said was true. the way chc arranges der worship section was great. like it was not a concert. it was worship. after service, went to changi airport for lunch. wish it was me flying.. had sakae AGAIN.. aft dat it was hme. sent elaine to hostel. helped her wif her organic chem abit. den aft dat helped her move her books etc upstairs n do her bedsheet *pampered little gal. hahah* anw. yea. den i had dinner at nite.. terrible though..

monday was back to work!! hehehe. i love hope kids. dey r juz so cute. if u have me on ya msn, see my display pic. the boy n e gal are so cute!!!! ziqi n aloysius.. like dey r really adorable!!! hahaha.. i love e pri 1s e best. the pri 2 are ok. pri 3-6 are bad.. hahs.. as in i am bias lar. hahs.. der is dis boy called clive. oso very cute. haha.. den aft work, it was dinner wif jess n charlene at kenny rogers. good time catching up wif e 2 of em..

on tuesday, aft work, went to faith's hse for dinner.. it was.. haha. n ocommetns. we had like ba kut teh w/o e taste, black pepper tofu, salted egg squid that was dodgy, and sambal kangkong.. den no rice. well doen faith. haha.. anw. yea. it was wif max weijun faith n evangeline (faith sis) and me lar. yea..

on wed, which is today, aft work, went to meet nish n lydia. watched blood diamond. it was great. hehs. den had pasta mania. *again* hahaha.. nice catching up wif lydia.. lalalla.. kk.. i shall blog again some other time..

i don't understand...

why do people do so much just to get attention. from guys. i have seen too much le. and i am sick of it. really sick of it. sigh. and why does it have to b those close frens ard me??

mayb i just havent been exposed enough. taylors was.. too perfect.. nah it wasnt. but it was good. murZ oso.

people do weird things under the jealousy and out of desperation.

anyway. all that apart, muz really thank God cause my course was confirmed. heehehe.. sports sci here i come!!!

its been a long time since it has happened
or does it happen so often that i dont care anymore?

i still remember in my sec 4 days
the number of calls at night to 2 out of 3 of the ppg
the long talks till like 3 am
the talks correcting my mindset
still i had a phobia

and then i went to perth
things seem good
somehow jon helped, though i dun think he knows
i tried to let things go
i tried to open up to her
it seem to have worked
but one day during cell when i was abt to leave perth
i broke down
i was too scared to see her
i rather not go back

2006
it was not any better
i tried
not working
i still have a phobia of her
excuses excuses excuses

2007
it happened again
have i no respect for her anymore?
but the bible states otherwise

this saga with you has changed me
to become someone so quiet and withdrawn
someone noisy on the outside
and never says out much from the inside
i have changed in terms of friends
i have changed in terms of relationships

i really want this to end
i really wish it could end some way some how

jacko felicia yiying vivien eleanor rachel and kelyn are over.. mostly from elaine's small grp. except for the first 2.. having a faily gathering today.. and elaine decided to invite em over as well.. means i will b even busier.. sigh.. oh well. i am super sian now. i was suppose to blog abt my albany trip, christmas, new year and all the gatherings i have been to, but as u can see, eunice is too busy.. haha more like i dun care or sth.. hahs.. oh well..

have been to cmc for the past 2 sundays. it was good. getting to noe ppl.. pmc is still.. i dunno. funny. as in frm my pov. but i really miss the people.. like the "kids" i mean.. like i was talking to ryn.. ok i mean dexin. like when we come back, we seem older.. like everyone seems to b young. hahs. guess its e age grp we mix wif. all so old *cough cough*.. haha.. dats why u have it as "uncle" max. haha..

there was a day when elaine n i had a long talk. den i really started missing the secondary age group.. i some how juz have the heart from em.. bleah..

okok.. i had better go.. people are gg to b streaming in soon.. its 6..