what on earth is your problem.. ignoring my calls ever since sunday.. what the.. eunice is not happy.. why on earth do such people do such things. very fun isit? i dun haf dat much time to hunt you down.. so much for being thoughtful and wanting to inform u. sheesh!

kk.. after all that ranting, i'm slightly better. hehs.. anw.. really wanna thank God for providing.. for providing me with a new housemate!!! shes the sister of a former church member, but ends up, we have alot of frens in common. from ppl frm scgs, to ppl frm tution, redcross members, and even primary school friends. yea. kinda excited about this.. gotta do up the house first though.. lalalalala...

i think i know my "vision" for the next sem. it suddenly occured to me that cell leading aint that important. even though i felt the tug to tell them that i take back my words about not doing it, but i suddenly had an "inspiration". kinda got it from reading <>. the main verse was Haggai 1:9-11. and it really showed me that all the stuff that you build is really not important. it really isn't. but what is, is God's priorities. and what i see currently, is people. for those who are not being showered with attention from the few prominent leaders. there are more than enough leaders showering those who can blend in or who are making improvements with abundance of attention. but how about the rest? is it just a once or twice a week of catching up and fellowshipping? or is it really i want to be friends with you? anyway, yea.. the next paragraph says

"Sometimes God has to stir up the spirit of one man to initiate needed change. Zerubbabel was that man. Scriptures say, "The Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel" (Hag. 1:14). God is stirring up the spirit of a remnant of workplace believers throughout the world today. They are seeing what breaks God's heart, and they're responding. Has God placed the spirit of Zerubbabel in you? Are you one who will make a difference for the Kingdom, or are you concerned about building bigger and better barns? The Lord is calling forth His people in these last days to make a difference. Ask Him what He wants to do through you."

and i guess, i suddenly had this inspiration to be the one who brings people back? to connect with those people, and build genuine relationships with them... honestly, this seems like a really tough task. but i have done it once, and with God's strength, i can do it again and again. if this is what He wants me to do, He will guide me through it.. anw. juz though i had better pen it down. before i forget it. amazing huh. how devotions can make a difference.

just a side note, something in noticed. like what i said above. like those who are showing improvements are showered with loads of attention. they will be the top priority in the leaders minds. be it who to catch up with, or has she finished exams etc etc.. least that is what i see lar. and i guess i have experienced it b4.. and surprisingly, it has not affected me. infact, i think its more important to think of how to help others as well.. i think its not such a big problem as i put it as. but it is something that can be improved.. and something that i feel "called" to do. so oh well.. we shall see how God leads from here.

your name is a strength to me
a rock on which i stand
a name so faithful and true
Lord you are the reason for my living
you will always be my King

seems like this period is a bad period for everyone.. one of my fren's greatgrandma juz passed away, one of my fren juz lost a gate key and as a result her brother was very upset. hmm.. wads gg wrong???

anw.. as for me, yesterday was a bad day. everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. the bus was 10 minutes late. thus i was 5 min late for work. then it was work. i made so many mistakes. take wrong order, couldnt catch order, put wrong item, missed out items. gosh. it was terrible. den, i left early to take the bus.. bought boost on the way. din have enough money. good thing the guy was nice n rounded it down to 5 bucks. just wad i had.. den aft dat i went to catch the bus. only to find out that they chaged the bus stop.. and thus i had to "run" to the bus port.. reached der on the dot. was so worried i was late.. den, the bus came like 10 min late.. gosh. wanna die.. even worse.. i din haf any cash on me. bleah. how bad can dat get rite.. the guy wanted me to get off the bus.. good thing i pleaded wif him. got on.. everything else frm der to my hme went alright.. den when i left the hse, i headed for broadway. half way through, ppl started calling me. gosh. anw. yea.. so i stopped to listen lar. n aft i stopped n headed on again, my cup of boost which was in my hand carry bag broke! my notebook, pen, etc etc were soaked in boost. how terrible can it get rite?? sigh.. anw.. yea. so no choice lor.. stood by the roadside to clear everything for like 15 min. den headed to broadway to clean up. dat one not dat bad lar.. but aft dat, when i went to get cash out, dey said my bank got no money!!! argh. sigh. anw.. yea.. dunno wads wrong le. but anw. things are better now i think..

oh. n talked to crystal. realise alot of probs.. like though i looked ok, but aft dat, when i came back n rant all to faith, its obviously i was like indignant abt things. bleah..

hmm. i just kinda listened to a talk between josh stan n let.. and i kinda joined in abit.. it was interesting.. like i really never knew guys opinions.. like honestly. and they say dey actually dun mind girls taking the first step, doing more stuff for em, expressing their interest.. etc etc etc.. very interesting topic. and like i kinda agree with alot of things that josh said. like how he doesn't want to break the friendship and all.. hahs. nv knew he thought so much.. stan on the other hand is a just whack kind.. interesting how the 2 opinions differ so much.. kinda changes my opinion of them as well.. but yea.. now that i haf a new knowledge of stuff.. lalalalala.. haha. kk dat last part was random. but yea. it was very interesting.. and its very nice to know that nowadays, guys DO consider stuff b4 actually rushing into it. yea.. i wld think such things are getting lesser le.. no? hahaha..

i also realise today that there is always a barrier to friendships.. maybe it is just this one? hahaha.. or maybe its just my problem as i said.. maybe, again like i analysed, girls prefer guys to share stuff n all.. aint it true? hahahah... i rest my case.

anyway, today's paper was alright. not excellent, not bad.. tmr's one had better be good.. its freaking 40%.. dunno how long more i shld study for. prob abit more.. den wake up ard 9 plus tmr insteadof 8... 6 hrs of sleep is all i get during exam periods man.. hahs..

i realise. i get emotionally attached to a person when i am close to the person.. be it boy or girl.. super sian.. i shld think less.. and guard my heart more. *so to speak* to think that i juz talked to eleanor abt it. hahs..

"I think I mentioned on my blog before that one of my greatest fears is disappointment. And of course, I've learned that the reason why I'm easily disappointed is because of my high expectations on people. They say the way to go around this is really... not to expect too much from other people.. Then it made me think, have I really been expecting too much... and are my expectations so negative or unrealistic? Am I really that bad a person, always expecting people to be perfect when I'm not? Have I been expecting people to not make mistakes when I'm making mistakes everyday? I really asked myself several questions. I dont think I always tell people what to do, and I don't think I've ever set high expectations for people to follow (apart from things like artwork and cleanliness)... but one thing I know and can never deny, my countenance always gives it away... People can always tell from my facial expression whether I'm happy or upset. And perhaps I come across as someone whose expectations other people have to live up to. They say my reaction says it all. Otherwise I wouldnt react like that, and otherwise I wouldn't make judgements. Sometimes I really wonder how I should react..or if people really understand how I'm feeling inside. I'm really not good at hiding that. Also, in the first place, is disappointment a legitimate feeling?"

i took the above frm nikki's blog.. seems to kinda relate to me..

sometimes you need to be selfish to prevent from being hurt.

such a stumbling statement. why on earth did it put it up? anw. yea.. i shall leave it here.. it shld b safe..

oh n i think i figured out the problem to the previous post.. maybe its called confidence in yourself? like when A is down, B would think what has B done that could have affected A, but when B is down, A would think maybe A is stress or something. maybe like wad mavis said. "not everything is about you". but then again, if you think twice, what if it is really about you, and you would never know about it but end up hurting the person even more. hmm.. complicated issue eh.. heheh.

euncie is not happy..

i guess i need to reevaluate what i wld term as friends, what i expect out of them and all.. kinda sian when you think like someone is one of your closest fren and u give it all u can but get nth in return.. i guess thats why dey say it takes both side to keep things going.. both in bgr n friendships..

maybe i am juz too nice..

maybe i shouldnt place all "hope" on one person. incase the person fails you. why havent i learnt my lesson? hahaha

i notice. u hafta b of a certain kind of character to get along with the uwa ppl.. if not, u will have to try very hard. like me. i miss murdoch.

i'm sore.

i should judge less.

i think i am getting tired.

i need to change my source of strength.