i am honesetly feeling very emo now. i haf no idea why, but i've gotta snap out of it..

actually. i i do know why.. and it hits me hard when i start comparing. how fair or unfair things are now and before. i feel that everything is a choice. and since i did not get the training from him, i believe it was a choice he made frm the beginning.. and i get upset when another person does get it. cos its very unfair.. especially when i tried so hard. i really did.. wanting to learn more about stuff.. creating oportunities for myself to learn. but its always the same excuse.. tiredness.. and i am not some super woman fyi. i just try my best to cover your back.. and it doesn't mean i know everything and can do everything.. i am still learning and trying.. and i am just like other girls. needing care and concern.

you know.. i really need to snap out of this.. to learn from this and bring it to the next level in my cell.. this semester is going to be a challenge.. to step out of my comfort zone and make things work.. everyone who were my support. emotionally physically have been removed from me. and the only thing that stays on, now and forever is my spiritual support. i think. its now. that God is saying. rely on me. not on other people.. we can do this together!