i am honesetly feeling very emo now. i haf no idea why, but i've gotta snap out of it..

actually. i i do know why.. and it hits me hard when i start comparing. how fair or unfair things are now and before. i feel that everything is a choice. and since i did not get the training from him, i believe it was a choice he made frm the beginning.. and i get upset when another person does get it. cos its very unfair.. especially when i tried so hard. i really did.. wanting to learn more about stuff.. creating oportunities for myself to learn. but its always the same excuse.. tiredness.. and i am not some super woman fyi. i just try my best to cover your back.. and it doesn't mean i know everything and can do everything.. i am still learning and trying.. and i am just like other girls. needing care and concern.

you know.. i really need to snap out of this.. to learn from this and bring it to the next level in my cell.. this semester is going to be a challenge.. to step out of my comfort zone and make things work.. everyone who were my support. emotionally physically have been removed from me. and the only thing that stays on, now and forever is my spiritual support. i think. its now. that God is saying. rely on me. not on other people.. we can do this together!

its been a busy week for me.. and besides being busy, its been really mind boggling.. how i wish sometimes my mind wld b less complicated. i wld not be as bothered as i am. i wld b more simple.. i wont b who i am.. but then again. God made us in His own image. and each and everyone of us are special.

the trip to augusta was just amazing.. you really see God's amazing work happening in our surroundings. in the world and you just cant help but to be in awe of Him. oh and i saw the end of the rainbow. no pot of gold but it was a pretty site. we went to climb some tree in pemberton, and honestly, it was just. great. the climb up the tree somehow struck me as an equivalent to our walk with God.. its tough. but the end product is what we keep in mind to keep us moving. sometimes it gets abit easier, sometimes it gets steeper. sometimes there will be pauses that just requires us to wait. and wait. and wait. sounds familiar?? yea. thats what happened in the tree. which i kinda found it the same as our walk wif God.. and indeed, it was a great encouragement.. my group that went to climb: henry jeremy isabel gloria me were pretty scared as we went up. and the 3 girls ended up singing.. and i particularly like one song.. "i CLIMB by faith each step by faith to live by faith i put my trust in you".. we chagned the caps word. it was suppose to be walk.. and we oso sang loads of other songs. to comfort ourselves to give us the courage to go on. cools rite...

anw.. besides that, i haf just been thinking over the past few weeks.. like is coordinating really what God has called me to do?? sometimes i just feel like a robot.. like doing the bulk of the work, but the master is the one that programs me, makes me do stuff and all..and everything muz "report" back to the master.. and somehow. it just makes me doubt.there are times that i look back at my past, but what God told me a couple of weeks back. is to move on. look ahead.. so. what is ahead for me?? i really dunno. i just dun wanna be a puppet/robot. to people.